Have We Hit The Top?

[Dinar]

How much do people tend to bring to a wedding these days in the States?  I just got invited to a wedding, and since I have not attended one in a decade, I have no idea how much to bring.  For whatever it is worth, it will be an Italian-Greek wedding, so it's going to be an expensive one.  Thank you 

[brobro777]

4 hours ago, Spekulatius said:

Some of those are scheduled to be sent at these inordinate times. There is a lot of pretend work going on.

 

Maybe but some sent replies at 2:30AM and one wanted to "discuss", like now

 

I was like relax tuff guy, take it EZ

 

 

[LC]

55 minutes ago, Spekulatius said:

I hope we hit the top on this marriage idiocy and I think Millenials and  Z’s seem to be wising up.

 

Problem is a lot of people don't know how to throw a dope party

[gfp]

Man I'm in my mid 40's now and nobody I know seems to be getting married any more.  I kind of miss it, I love a wild party after a wedding.  Great excuse to see old friends when everybody is scattered around the world the rest of the time.  None of my tenants seem to get married either.  I think we are well past peak marriage in the US.  We got married in 2009 after 'dating' for 7 or 8 years and I had to pay for it - $35k at least, I think I blocked out the exact number - horrible timing with the markets but man what a party.

[Red Lion]

56 minutes ago, Dinar said:

How much do people tend to bring to a wedding these days in the States?  I just got invited to a wedding, and since I have not attended one in a decade, I have no idea how much to bring.  For whatever it is worth, it will be an Italian-Greek wedding, so it's going to be an expensive one.  Thank you 

I find it interesting posting in this thread as I feel it could be a gauge of a top perhaps? I don’t have an answer for you as it depends how close I am to the family. 
 

At minimum $250, but perhaps much more if it’s a close connection. 

[Spekulatius]

7 hours ago, LC said:

 

Problem is a lot of people don't know how to throw a dope party

Exactly. My grandads funeral in my home town was more entertaining that some of those highly choreographed weddings that I have been too. Wasn’t expensive either , we just drank his old wines. Started out slow but towards the end people were dancing. 

 

Same with this ridiculous Prom stuff. They spent a ton of money on dresses and limos and what not but nobody even gets laid any more.

 

I am really off the deep end, maybe close to the bottom. Over and out.

[73 Reds]

12 hours ago, Junior R said:

lol that is the truth and there is a lot of quite quitting

 

 

 

I think the problem is avg person follows the same old play book that worked during their parents age..Get A job..buy a house and let that build their wealth ..stay there until retirement collect a pension. but this really gets you no where unless your job is paying you millions a year to do minimal amount of work

 

the good thing now is there is a lot of wfh roles ...so pretty much you could just do bare minimum and invest and enjoy time on what you like to do... 

@Junior R, LOL on the one hand your post just described the American dream.  On the other hand many people are unhappy or at least dissatisfied at work.  I was the latter - dissatisfied (and bored) so the decision to leave many years ago was more about wanting to wake up each day with a purpose.  If one is able to find something that is both socially and financially rewarding at the same time, you've hit pay dirt.  My last day as a W-2 employee was the last day I ever "worked".     

[Gamecock-YT]

9 hours ago, Dinar said:

How much do people tend to bring to a wedding these days in the States?  I just got invited to a wedding, and since I have not attended one in a decade, I have no idea how much to bring.  For whatever it is worth, it will be an Italian-Greek wedding, so it's going to be an expensive one.  Thank you 

 

the rule of thumb is to pay for your plate. 

[Castanza]

1 hour ago, Gamecock-YT said:

 

the rule of thumb is to pay for your plate. 

We got invited to a wedding last year and the couple requested $120 per person for the food. We didn’t go. You don’t invite people and say “come celebrate with us!” Then charge your family and friends. It’s poor taste imo. Them showing up and bringing a gift off the wedding registry or traveling is gift enough imo. I think it’s classless to throw a party and then asks your guest to pay. Tf is the world coming too. 
 

 

[frommi]

1 hour ago, Castanza said:

We got invited to a wedding last year and the couple requested $120 per person for the food. We didn’t go. You don’t invite people and say “come celebrate with us!” Then charge your family and friends. It’s poor taste imo. Them showing up and bringing a gift off the wedding registry or traveling is gift enough imo. I think it’s classless to throw a party and then asks your guest to pay. Tf is the world coming too. 
 

 

I get that it might seem unusual at first to ask guests for a financial contribution, but maybe the couple simply didn’t have another way to make the celebration they dreamed of possible. It’s often less about 'paying' and more about sharing a special moment together. Sometimes it’s a shame to let details like that stop you—after all, it’s the memories and the time spent together that really matter. Who knows, you might have missed a great opportunity to create some beautiful memories and social connections.

Edited Tuesday at 04:54 PM by frommi

[rkbabang]

14 hours ago, Spekulatius said:

American weddings are just pompous experiences. I hate them. I have not been to many and a few times, I just said no (I have no problem doing so).
People just say they can’t make it because they really don’t want to go - I have heard that too many times.

 

I hope we hit the top on this marriage idiocy and I think Millenials and  Z’s seem to be wising up.

 

Agreed.  There was a study I read that there is an inverse relationship between how much couples spend on their wedding and how long they stay married.  My wife and I rented an Elks hall for $100 for our reception, had a friend's band play, found a cheap caterer who did a chicken dish for $8/plate.  The hall provided a bar tender and it was a cash bar, so guests paid for their drinks.  My wife did all the flowers herself, her bouquet, all the table arrangements, etc.  She bought a discontinued wedding dress off a display they were getting rid of at a fraction of it's full cost and had her mothers friend alter it.  Then their was a limo rental and a tux rental.  We had my wife's sister in-law take pictures of the ceremony because she had a nice camera (this is film camera days), we also left a single-use disposable camera on every table and told guests to take pictures during the reception and leave the camera on the table for us at the end of the night, so we could develop all the film.  You can get married on the cheap and still have a great time, but most people in the US want to impress their guests like they're some kind of royalty even if they have to go into debt to do it.  We bought our first house 2 months after our wedding because we didn't go into debt to get married.

 

EDIT: This could be the study I remember:  

  Want a happy marriage? Have a big, cheap wedding

  https://www.cnn.com/2014/10/13/living/wedding-expenses-study/index.html

Edited Tuesday at 05:35 PM by rkbabang

[Castanza]

1 hour ago, frommi said:

I get that it might seem unusual at first to ask guests for a financial contribution, but maybe the couple simply didn’t have another way to make the celebration they dreamed of possible. It’s often less about 'paying' and more about sharing a special moment together. Sometimes it’s a shame to let details like that stop you—after all, it’s the memories and the time spent together that really matter. Who knows, you might have missed a great opportunity to create some beautiful memories and social connections.

I hear what you’re saying but to me this is backwards thinking. 
 

A couple who doesn’t budget and chooses to drop 40k on a wedding deserves more expensive gifts and donations from their guests than say a couple that budgeted and had a modest wedding? Because that’s exactly what this line of thinking does. The more you spend the more you expect and the less you budget the more you expect. Very transactional imo. 
 

You’re also pricing out some guests by basically saying “if you are poor, please don’t bother coming to our wedding.” 
 

Gatherings of celebration should not be transactional. I don’t host dinner parties and expect my guests to pay for the $350 steak a wine I just served them. I paid ~$1800 for flights and accommodations plus fun expenditures to go to a good friends wedding. Never once did I ask for compensation back on that. Why? Because I cared more about being there for my bro than the money. The same view should be taken from the Hosts perspective imo. 
 

We can agree to disagree though haha 

[Gregmal]

I think it’s a bit of both and the delivery is important. Charging people to attend is bush league. But there’s an implicit understanding that if you attend you at least pay for your plate.
 

Today’s day and age it’s basically $250 a person. That’s not just your meal being paid for; you’re in effect paying for your share of the celebratory event for the couple getting married. That’s a gift. If it’s close family you obviously do more. 
 

The shit I don’t like is the no kids notices. If you’re inviting me, you know I have kids, either invite us all, or don’t. If I don’t want to bring my kids, that’s my choice, not yours. 

[Eng12345]

9 minutes ago, Gregmal said:

I think it’s a bit of both and the delivery is important. Charging people to attend is bush league. But there’s an implicit understanding that if you attend you at least pay for your plate.
 

Today’s day and age it’s basically $250 a person. That’s not just your meal being paid for; you’re in effect paying for your share of the celebratory event for the couple getting married. That’s a gift. If it’s close family you obviously do more. 
 

The shit I don’t like is the no kids notices. If you’re inviting me, you know I have kids, either invite us all, or don’t. If I don’t want to bring my kids, that’s my choice, not yours. 

Are you gifting to cover the cost of your kids' plate? 

 

IE you+wife+3 kids = ~$1250

 

 

If people are saying no kids though - it damn well better be open bar and one heck of a party! I can understand the intent from that angle. 

 

 

That said - asking for payment is tacky. 

Edited Tuesday at 06:48 PM by Eng12345

[nsx5200]

On 1/13/2025 at 1:05 PM, Castanza said:

Type A has nothing to do with saving money or planning for the future. I want my descendants to be able to live more and work less or pursue things they are passionate about without added stress from finances. 

Yes.  That is built-in biology at work, and it's pretty fair to want that.  The issue is with the multi part of the multi generational wealth transfer.  I would claim that past the grand-kids, they're pretty much strangers to you.  I can see why Buffet treats his more distant offspring as completely stranger when it comes to inheritances.

 

I actually think the current thresholds before estate tax kicks in are pretty reasonable, but it's the loop-holes that bypass those thresholds that I think should be fixed.  Why should the ultra-rich play by a different set of rules?

 

On 1/13/2025 at 12:58 PM, 73 Reds said:

@nsx5200 Curious, where would you have have all the generational wealth go?  If you want to confiscate it, or effectively confiscate it in the form of ever-higher taxes, why would you trust government to effectively allocate it better than the person that created it?

The accumulated capabilities that's been built up over time is largely encapsulated in our government or in framework established by the government.  It is the caretaker of last resort, and despite all the inefficiencies in the system, IMHO, the US government, unlike some other governments in the world, have at least no ulterior motive other than to serve the people(although there are plenty of scenarios where it's self serving).

 

Many have chosen to leave it to philanthropies instead of letting the government take it at the end, and so the choice is really whether to trust the government to decide the excessive resource allocation, or for the philanthropies to decide.  If you trust your kids enough to handle it, you can let them decide as well by leaving it to them.

[Gregmal]

13 minutes ago, Eng12345 said:

Are you gifting to cover the cost of your kids' plate? 

 

IE you+wife+3 kids = ~$1250

 

 

If people are saying no kids though - it damn well better be open bar and one heck of a party! I can understand the intent from that angle. 

 

 

That said - asking for payment is tacky. 

Theoretically you should. I don’t go to many weddings and the ones I do it’s close friends and family so the check we drop is way more than Id recommend for some bs acquaintance type event. 

[Castanza]

15 minutes ago, nsx5200 said:

Many have chosen to leave it to philanthropies instead of letting the government take it at the end, and so the choice is really whether to trust the government to decide the excessive resource allocation, or for the philanthropies to decide.

 

Taxes aren't a choice...

 

There is nothing to stop someone from having all of their assets willed to the US Government upon their death. 

[thowed]

Fascinating to hear about US wedding customs - I had no idea. 

 

Do you have Wedding Lists at all?  In the UK, you tend to have a List at a classic Department Store, so people can pick something at the price point they want, and the bride/groom know they'll get something they want (traditionally useful stuff for starting a home, though this is more arguable as most people have it all by the time they get married).

 

Had never heard of the plate concept & don't see how you find out the value of the plate?  I don't think UK people would spend $250 but then these days we are '(albeit ex) Euro-poor)'.

 

Of course, all these things vary depending on demographics - middle classes etc.

 

Charging is a tough one - if you have to, then I think you have to explain to your guests why, make sure you're keeping things to a minimum, i.e. if people know you're short of cash & aren't being profligate, they'll be more understanding, as they want to celebrate.

 

Kids - yes, unusual to not have them there, as finding babysitters a pain in the ass etc. - more likely only with younger people getting married.

[LC]

We threw our wedding party in prospect park - no permit (what permit?), informally catered by about 6 nyc restaurants that to this day still crush it. A never-forgotten shout out to venerio's for the best cheesecake in the city. The sister- and father- in law hauling catering size portions of food all over brooklyn via the B & Q. Did the ceremony right past a pedestrian tunnel (this one, in fact) leading to the boathouse. Weather was perfect. Musical accompaniment as provided by the busker sitting in the tunnel with a saxaphone (tipped generously). A random group of 4 firefighters, in uniform, did us a solid by holding back passer-bys for the big moment. They did unfortunately turn down our best man's offer to provide nude entertainment for the party afterwards. That was a real bummer. Partied all night at a friend's brownstone a block away, kind of trashed the place right before she sold it to some author and his wife ("is it a safe neighborhood here?"). I still remember the hash circle that my old man set up with my degenerate 20-something friends in Angela's bedroom...drugs probably dug out from his tackle box from the 70s. "Gin and juice" was the drink. Thanks, Tom - next time swap out the cucumbers for fresh ones so we're not all eating gin-soaked garnish. Sweet Sarah from Corpus Cristi (bless up) who saved us plates of food. Even the Pakistani guy who ran the bodega came by with a few packs of cigs as a wedding present. At some point a 275 lb man dressed as a hipster-lumberjack and a 120 lb woman wearing a Tigger leotard swapped outfits. I do remember pulling about 50 pins out of my then-wife's hair. My neighbors gladly hosted the afterparty. A jar of coins were stolen by a gay friend who also hit on my mother all night. Gina, Sexy Pervy Mark, and Gina's John (she was (is?) a dominatrix) I believe bought us a hotel room. It's a bit hazy of a memory. Spek, we would've got you absolutely trashed

[Sweet]

Strong name, strong tweet… fuck, just strong everything:

 

 

[Gregmal]

37 minutes ago, Sweet said:

Strong name, strong tweet… fuck, just strong everything:

 

 

LOL another Twitter winner.

[villainx]

On 1/13/2025 at 9:33 PM, Gregmal said:

I’ll easily be the dumbest one there. 

 

Way smarter than the folks that say they can't go.

 

Weddings is an unexpected tangent, just visiting for the most current two pages..  

[fareastwarriors]

On 1/14/2025 at 4:24 PM, LC said:

We threw our wedding party in prospect park - no permit (what permit?), informally catered by about 6 nyc restaurants that to this day still crush it. A never-forgotten shout out to venerio's for the best cheesecake in the city. The sister- and father- in law hauling catering size portions of food all over brooklyn via the B & Q. Did the ceremony right past a pedestrian tunnel (this one, in fact) leading to the boathouse. Weather was perfect. Musical accompaniment as provided by the busker sitting in the tunnel with a saxaphone (tipped generously). A random group of 4 firefighters, in uniform, did us a solid by holding back passer-bys for the big moment. They did unfortunately turn down our best man's offer to provide nude entertainment for the party afterwards. That was a real bummer. Partied all night at a friend's brownstone a block away, kind of trashed the place right before she sold it to some author and his wife ("is it a safe neighborhood here?"). I still remember the hash circle that my old man set up with my degenerate 20-something friends in Angela's bedroom...drugs probably dug out from his tackle box from the 70s. "Gin and juice" was the drink. Thanks, Tom - next time swap out the cucumbers for fresh ones so we're not all eating gin-soaked garnish. Sweet Sarah from Corpus Cristi (bless up) who saved us plates of food. Even the Pakistani guy who ran the bodega came by with a few packs of cigs as a wedding present. At some point a 275 lb man dressed as a hipster-lumberjack and a 120 lb woman wearing a Tigger leotard swapped outfits. I do remember pulling about 50 pins out of my then-wife's hair. My neighbors gladly hosted the afterparty. A jar of coins were stolen by a gay friend who also hit on my mother all night. Gina, Sexy Pervy Mark, and Gina's John (she was (is?) a dominatrix) I believe bought us a hotel room. It's a bit hazy of a memory. Spek, we would've got you absolutely trashed

 

Sounds epic! 

 

 

[villainx]

On 1/14/2025 at 1:38 PM, Gregmal said:

The shit I don’t like is the no kids notices. If you’re inviting me, you know I have kids, either invite us all, or don’t. If I don’t want to bring my kids, that’s my choice, not yours. 

 

Hahaha.  That's what one of my buddies did.  Unfortunately I was best man, and either my kids went or I couldn't be there.

[villainx]

On 1/14/2025 at 2:18 PM, thowed said:

Fascinating to hear about US wedding customs - I had no idea. 

 

A lot of the ethnic weddings are meant for money making/transfer.  Big party, getting bunch of cash/jewelry/valuables from certain relatives, and usually that's enough to subsidize a bunch of under-gifters (distant relatives, work friends, friends of relatives, etc).

 

I miss going to weddings, primarily as a chance to see all the old friends/family folks.  Now it's waiting for the younger folks to get to wedding age, hopefully I'll still be able to walk unassisted at that time.