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Posted
16 minutes ago, formthirteen said:

 

It looks like birds are no joke. Hope you're alright if that is you.

 

No no, it is not me:), just funny illustration of impact to portfolio after FEDs hawkish talk:)

  • 2 weeks later...
Posted

1. The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.

4. A rubber-band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.

5. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery. 

6. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

7. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

8. Two silkworms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

9. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

11. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

12. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other: “You stay here; I'll go on ahead.”

13. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

14. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: “Keep off the Grass.”

15. The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at-large.

16. The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

17. A backward poet writes inverse.

18. In a democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes.

19. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

20. If you jumped off a bridge in Paris, you'd be in Seine.

21. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says: “I’m sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.”

22. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says, “Dam!”

23. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

24. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, “I’ve lost my electron.” The other asks, “Are you sure?” The first replies, “Yes, I'm positive.”

25. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocaine during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.

26. There was the person who sent ten puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.

 

Posted
11 minutes ago, Xerxes said:

AC8C8400-15D9-4837-B8CD-4B4DCA2DF3D6.thumb.jpeg.63ca4d1a284ca918881568c7e951de25.jpeg

 

Ha, my family had Lada, very similar to one in the photo, I grew up riding this car:) 

Posted

A couple of one-liners from the dark continent!

https://www.motivation.africa/top-30-funny-south-african-jokes.html

 

The only way to know that small things irritate is when you share a room with a mosquito at night.

The quickest means of communication is to trust a girl with a rumor and then make her vow not to tell

You don’t need a parachute to skydive, but you will need one if you want to do it twice.

The sole purpose of your middle name is so you know when you are in real trouble with your mother

 

No matter how far you urinate, the last drop always falls at your feet

Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large numbers.

You cannot run and scratch your anus at the same time.

The monkey who tries to see the hunter clearly collects bullets in its eyes

 

SD

Posted
5 hours ago, SharperDingaan said:

A couple of one-liners from the dark continent!

https://www.motivation.africa/top-30-funny-south-african-jokes.html

 

The only way to know that small things irritate is when you share a room with a mosquito at night.

The quickest means of communication is to trust a girl with a rumor and then make her vow not to tell

You don’t need a parachute to skydive, but you will need one if you want to do it twice.

The sole purpose of your middle name is so you know when you are in real trouble with your mother

 

No matter how far you urinate, the last drop always falls at your feet

Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large numbers.

You cannot run and scratch your anus at the same time.

The monkey who tries to see the hunter clearly collects bullets in its eyes

 

SD

 

With enough thrust, pigs, can in fact fly 🙂

Posted

Designers and typography enthusiast understand the meaning of "if you want to ruin someone's life, teach them to recognize bad kerning.”, but you don't have to be a miserable typography enthusiast to enjoy the following kerning mistakes:

 

pen is broke please use finger

flicks for valentines

special aunt greeting card kerning fail

Something Might Be Off About The Kerning


 

More kerning jokes:

https://digitalsynopsis.com/design/funny-letter-spacing-kerning-fails/

https://fontbundles.net/blog/top-10-hilarious-kerning-fails

https://www.boredpanda.com/funny-importance-of-kerning/

Posted (edited)

“The S&P 500 closed today at 3999 points, barely above it’s 200 day moving average, but below the psychologically important level of 4000.

If it can break through 4000 in the near future, we may be seeing the beginning of an uptrend. However, the round number level of 4000, combined with the 200 day moving average, may also serve as strong resistance, and if the index fails to push through, we may see further declines.”

 

I just wrote that. I think I have a future as a financial pundit.

 

Edited by backtothebeach

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