Could any US parents give some tips on kids going to private schools?

[Gregmal]

the most important gifts you can give to your children is a high quality education when they are young and to not be a burden on them when you are old.  this costs a lot of money.  but it is worth it.

 

100%.

 

I think its important not to promote the notion that one can not get a good public school education. This is entirely untrue. However, as muscleman originally mentioned, a lot of it comes down to seeking certain things and wanting to avoid others. When I told some family members that I planned to utilize public schools for K-8, and then do private school for high school, one of the funnier remarks I was met with, was "by high school they'll already have been taught about gender identity and all that rubbish!". And its valid. But having also seen the other side of the coin, its like "ok, but at Catholic schools they're taught gays and non Catholics are going to hell"?! So some of it is pick your poison. There will be pros and cons everywhere. My thinking is that by the time they reach high school they'll have enough common sense, and if common sense escapes them, they are capable of understanding biology enough to dispel the liberal nonsense, and at the same time, they're also capable of understanding that you may like chocolate ice cream, I may like vanilla, someone else may like both, and that the same applies to ones preferences for tacos or sausages and choice of readings when it comes to religious/holy books. No one is going to hell or less of a person for having different preferences or beliefs.

 

The big difference, indisputably, is course content and discipline. If you are into athletics, its also a factor. If you are any good at (pick a sport) and play at Don Bosco, you're going D1. Hackensack High School? Possible, but definitely a lot harder. In a way, there is a pay to play element; a lot of the pros of private school is that resources make doors open. Its still up to the individual to execute and prove worthy. Good kids will do fine either way. But one path definitely makes things a little easier down the road.

[Guest cherzeca]

the most important gifts you can give to your children is a high quality education when they are young and to not be a burden on them when you are old.  this costs a lot of money.  but it is worth it.

 

You can lead a horse to water...

 

I know kids from big east coast schools Dalton, Exeter/Andover, etc...I would estimate the “success” rate on what they’ve done with their lives is similar to kids from less renowned schools.

 

disagree.  but it is more often a strong family upbringing, money and family connections that put the Andover etc kids over the top.  pipelines still exist, but at least now there is more diversity regarding who gets into the pipeline

[muscleman]

Whatever you do, don't send her to an all girl school.

 

Good insight!

My wife went to a all girl school and said the same

 

LOL Mine too, and yea, has nothing to do with the education either. The stuff that goes on at all girls schools makes locker room talk at the all boys schools look timid.

 

Could you elaborate on this?

[muscleman]

I do have concerns that private schools are so expensive and lots of money to pay before she goes to college. But WA is pushing sex education to Kinder garden, which makes me furious. And 90% of that sex education is about LGBTQ.  >:(

[vinod1]

I do have concerns that private schools are so expensive and lots of money to pay before she goes to college. But WA is pushing sex education to Kinder garden, which makes me furious. And 90% of that sex education is about LGBTQ.  >:(

 

In our children's school we are able to opt out of this stuff. Been opting out since 1st grade. Speak up, talk to the Principal. Worst case say your religion prohibits your child from participating in that class. If this is your main concern, it should be easy enough to opt out.

 

Vinod

[SharperDingaan]

My sister was a boarder at an african all girls school of 500+ teenage girls, ranging from gilded diva through to farm girls from rural areas. Bullying is viscous, primarily mental, and me and my posse. Body shaming, privilege, looks division, and exploitive hair splitting is common. And when every girl is mommy's dearest, it's quite the shock to discover that you are just average, and not 'special'. The reality is that It reflects life, life is a brutal process, and the girls are simply finding their relative level. As their brothers are doing at the boys schools.

 

The skills learned set you up for life, anywhere in the world. It is wealth in your head, totally independent of family wealth that can be taken away at any time. But to get it voluntarily, daddy has to insist, mommy has to cut the apron strings; and the kids have to be left to fledge - despite the tears. You send away kiddies, you get back quite capable women.

 

I'm advised, that almost anywhere in the world, women almost instantly recognize other women who went to boarding/private schools; the imprint is that distinctive. It's quite the gift.

 

SD

 

 

 

 

[DooDiligence]

My sister was a boarder at an african all girls school of 500+ teenage girls, ranging from gilded diva through to farm girls from rural areas. Bullying is viscous, primarily mental, and me and my posse. Body shaming, privilege, looks division, and exploitive hair splitting is common. And when every girl is mommy's dearest, it's quite the shock to discover that you are just average, and not 'special'. The reality is that It reflects life, life is a brutal process, and the girls are simply finding their relative level. As their brothers are doing at the boys schools.

 

The skills learned set you up for life, anywhere in the world. It is wealth in your head, totally independent of family wealth that can be taken away at any time. But to get it voluntarily, daddy has to insist, mommy has to cut the apron strings; and the kids have to be left to fledge - despite the tears. You send away kiddies, you get back quite capable women.

 

I'm advised, that almost anywhere in the world, women almost instantly recognize other women who went to boarding/private schools; the imprint is that distinctive. It's quite the gift.

 

SD

 

I was actually being sarcastic (the internet flattens most jokes out) but since it produced this provocative take, my attempt at being an ass seems to have produced something potentially useful.

[muscleman]

I do have concerns that private schools are so expensive and lots of money to pay before she goes to college. But WA is pushing sex education to Kinder garden, which makes me furious. And 90% of that sex education is about LGBTQ.  >:(

 

Ah the real reason. I'm in Seattle and grew up around here. Happy to give you a run of some of the options around here, but what you're hearing from private schools is probably more based on East Coast or Asian schools than the ones in the much more relaxed Washington State :)

 

Hi Seattle buddy,

    Can you please give me some advices here? I am living on the east side but I guess there is not much difference from Seattle city.

 

Thank you!

[muscleman]

I do have concerns that private schools are so expensive and lots of money to pay before she goes to college. But WA is pushing sex education to Kinder garden, which makes me furious. And 90% of that sex education is about LGBTQ.  >:(

 

In our children's school we are able to opt out of this stuff. Been opting out since 1st grade. Speak up, talk to the Principal. Worst case say your religion prohibits your child from participating in that class. If this is your main concern, it should be easy enough to opt out.

 

Vinod

 

It is not that easy because there has already been some boys requesting to wear like a girl when going to classes and outside of sex education classes, they still wear like.

[Gregmal]

Whatever you do, don't send her to an all girl school.

 

Good insight!

My wife went to a all girl school and said the same

 

LOL Mine too, and yea, has nothing to do with the education either. The stuff that goes on at all girls schools makes locker room talk at the all boys schools look timid.

 

Could you elaborate on this?

 

SD pretty much nailed it. For whatever reason, when you take a bunch of girls, many fitting the daddy's little princess title, and send them all to a school where there is no concern about impressing the boys, things can get very intense and viscous. Which is not to say its not a worthwhile life experience; for some it maybe, but its definitely not for everyone and probably not something every parent would be ok with, if they knew. Keeping boys and girls together has some benefits, as does separating them, but all in all, segregation, regardless of race or gender, can distort reality, which I dont think is good for development of teenagers.

[sleepydragon]

Do you want your kid be ultra competitive and a “survivor”, or you want your kid be nurtured, around nice people, learning because of curiosity and do things that she likes to do?

 

If I am poor and I want my kids to be rich, I will send them to boarding school. I myself lived in boarding school the year before college. Came to USA alone to attend college when I was 17.

Now i have a bit of money and I want my daughter to do what she likes and definitely not boarding school.

But I heard sometimes the kids are the ones who requested it. :)

[muscleman]

Do you want your kid be ultra competitive and a “survivor”, or you want your kid be nurtured, around nice people, learning because of curiosity and do things that she likes to do?

 

If I am poor and I want my kids to be rich, I will send them to boarding school. I myself lived in boarding school the year before college. Came to USA alone to attend college when I was 17.

Now i have a bit of money and I want my daughter to do what she likes and definitely not boarding school.

But I heard sometimes the kids are the ones who requested it. :)

 

Good question. I'd like her to be nurtured around nice people, but they need to have common sense.

 

[sleepydragon]

Do you want your kid be ultra competitive and a “survivor”, or you want your kid be nurtured, around nice people, learning because of curiosity and do things that she likes to do?

 

If I am poor and I want my kids to be rich, I will send them to boarding school. I myself lived in boarding school the year before college. Came to USA alone to attend college when I was 17.

Now i have a bit of money and I want my daughter to do what she likes and definitely not boarding school.

But I heard sometimes the kids are the ones who requested it. :)

 

Good question. I'd like her to be nurtured around nice people, but they need to have common sense.

 

There’s two kind of private schools. The catholic ones. And the none catholic ones.

The none catholic ones can be a lot more liberal than the public ones. The catholic ones have their problems too, like half of the kids don’t have immunizations.

 

 

[Castanza]

If you have to go with public school, just make sure your kids are in the AP classes. At least where I am from this served as a make shift private school as those kids are generally isolated from peers in many ways. But my HS class size was close to 1k kids as the multiple upstream elementary and middle schools fed into the downstream single high school. I saw a lot of peers from MS dwindle academically as they got lumped into the mixed bag of classmates in non-AP courses. This doesn't solve your original qualm with the public school though.

[JGBRK]

Do you want your kid be ultra competitive and a “survivor”, or you want your kid be nurtured, around nice people, learning because of curiosity and do things that she likes to do?

 

If I am poor and I want my kids to be rich, I will send them to boarding school. I myself lived in boarding school the year before college. Came to USA alone to attend college when I was 17.

Now i have a bit of money and I want my daughter to do what she likes and definitely not boarding school.

But I heard sometimes the kids are the ones who requested it. :)

 

Good question. I'd like her to be nurtured around nice people, but they need to have common sense.

 

There’s two kind of private schools. The catholic ones. And the none catholic ones.

The none catholic ones can be a lot more liberal than the public ones. The catholic ones have their problems too, like half of the kids don’t have immunizations.

 

I don't know the school(s) you are referring too, but the private Catholic and Lutheran schools that I have referenced require proof of immunizations.  Do you have first hand knowledge?  Implying that all Catholic School children do not have their immunizations seems like a broad statement when I know it's not true at our schools.

[CorpRaider]

I'm going to try to do public school if at all possible.  I feel like private school (outside of like nationally elite schools) kind of cuts off the right tail.

 

Anecdotally, there also seems to be more drug use and other issues due to the resources prevalent among the kids (or something).  Likely to build a better/more useful network, which is probably the main positive factor. 

 

I sort of feel like the best plan is to get the fancy imprimatur on the final degree, all else being equal.

[sleepydragon]

You can also move to Singapore. The public schools there are so much better.

In fact, the private schools in US use their textbook for math.

[rkbabang]

I do have concerns that private schools are so expensive and lots of money to pay before she goes to college. But WA is pushing sex education to Kinder garden, which makes me furious. And 90% of that sex education is about LGBTQ.  >:(

 

My kids went to good public schools in Massachusetts and New Hampshire, but If I had to do it over again, I think I would have put them in a Montessori type school in the younger grades.  Kindergarten for sure.  Forcing young kids into desks for hours on end had got to be the most unnatural thing we do to them.  Sex education of any type at 5 years old is insane as well.  Let kids be kids.  By the time high school comes around any good school private or good public will do.  My kids used to come home from school and tell me how their teachers or administrators were trying to brainwash them.  Simply being raised right by you should be enough of an immunity to that type of nonsense.

 

[sleepydragon]

I do have concerns that private schools are so expensive and lots of money to pay before she goes to college. But WA is pushing sex education to Kinder garden, which makes me furious. And 90% of that sex education is about LGBTQ.  >:(

 

My kids went to good public schools in Massachusetts and New Hampshire, but If I had to do it over again, I think I would have put them in a Montessori type school in the younger grades.  Kindergarten for sure.  Forcing young kids into desks for hours on end had got to be the most unnatural thing we do to them.  Sex education of any type at 5 years old is insane as well.  Let kids be kids.  By the time high school comes around any good school private or good public will do.  My kids used to come home from school and tell me how their teachers or administrators were trying to brainwash them.  Simply being raised right by you should be enough of an immunity to that type of nonsense.

 

agree.

Financial wise, I would say if one could save $1m or even half a million, and put that the stock market, earning 5-7% annually, you have an "endowment" for your kid's education.

Actually, if you put $100k in TSLA a couple years back, now you would have $1m, and you can put that $1m in BRK earning 7% per year, you are all set. :)

 

 

 

[fareastwarriors]

What about charter schools?

 

 

[LC]

I do have concerns that private schools are so expensive and lots of money to pay before she goes to college. But WA is pushing sex education to Kinder garden, which makes me furious. And 90% of that sex education is about LGBTQ.  >:(

 

My kids went to good public schools in Massachusetts and New Hampshire, but If I had to do it over again, I think I would have put them in a Montessori type school in the younger grades.  Kindergarten for sure.  Forcing young kids into desks for hours on end had got to be the most unnatural thing we do to them.  Sex education of any type at 5 years old is insane as well.  Let kids be kids.  By the time high school comes around any good school private or good public will do.  My kids used to come home from school and tell me how their teachers or administrators were trying to brainwash them.  Simply being raised right by you should be enough of an immunity to that type of nonsense.

 

agree.

Financial wise, I would say if one could save $1m or even half a million, and put that the stock market, earning 5-7% annually, you have an "endowment" for your kid's education.

Actually, if you put $100k in TSLA a couple years back, now you would have $1m, and you can put that $1m in BRK earning 7% per year, you are all set. :)

 

Well the problem is that kids learn much more, much quicker at an early age.

 

Yes maybe 100k will turn into 10m in 20 years, but can your kid learn as well at 30 years old or at 10?

I’d rather spend the money upfront because you will get much more value teaching a kid vs teaching an adult.

 

And I think a kid is better off being smart and middle class rather than dumb and wealthy.

[rkbabang]

And I think a kid is better off being smart and middle class rather than dumb and wealthy.

 

What percentage of middle class Americans had $100,000+ primary or high school private educations, compared with the percentage that had public school educations?  I don't think not spending hundreds of thousands of dollars on your children's pre-college education will make them dumb and poor, I also don't think spending half a million dollars on your child's education is necessarily going to make them smart and rich, but it will make you poorer.

 

[LC]

It was a general point that resources invested in a child go way further than more resources invested in an adult. In other words, you can’t teach an old dog new tricks.

 

You can adjust the specific numbers however you’d like.

[bizaro86]

If you have to go with public school, just make sure your kids are in the AP classes. At least where I am from this served as a make shift private school as those kids are generally isolated from peers in many ways. But my HS class size was close to 1k kids as the multiple upstream elementary and middle schools fed into the downstream single high school. I saw a lot of peers from MS dwindle academically as they got lumped into the mixed bag of classmates in non-AP courses. This doesn't solve your original qualm with the public school though.

 

I agree with this. I did International Baccalaureate, which is a similar idea. In a big public school, but all my classes were with the same 40-50 kids (out of the 700 person graduating class). And it was a relatively high achieving group. The 20 of us that did the full program are basically all high end professionals now. That's probably true at a good private school as well, but the diversity wouldn't be as good.

 

There were multiple kids of C-suite executives at billion dollar firms, but mostly it was middle class parents. There was also a pretty significant contingent of kids from "immigrant families that strongly value education." My friend whose parents worked janitorial at the same hospital he now works out of as a dermatologist would be an example there.

 

Having a spread of experiences is useful. You don't appreciate the used Toyota if all your friends have new sports cars. But you do when some of them take 1.5 hour bus rides to the other side of town...

[muscleman]

Do you want your kid be ultra competitive and a “survivor”, or you want your kid be nurtured, around nice people, learning because of curiosity and do things that she likes to do?

 

If I am poor and I want my kids to be rich, I will send them to boarding school. I myself lived in boarding school the year before college. Came to USA alone to attend college when I was 17.

Now i have a bit of money and I want my daughter to do what she likes and definitely not boarding school.

But I heard sometimes the kids are the ones who requested it. :)

 

Good question. I'd like her to be nurtured around nice people, but they need to have common sense.

 

There’s two kind of private schools. The catholic ones. And the none catholic ones.

The none catholic ones can be a lot more liberal than the public ones. The catholic ones have their problems too, like half of the kids don’t have immunizations.

 

I noticed some schools are called Catholic and some schools are called Christian. I wonder if they are different?