I Need a Laugh. Tell me a Joke. Keep em PC.

[rkbabang]

Sanjeev posted this in the "gambling ..." thread, but I think it belongs here.

 

https://finance.yahoo.com/news/crypto-mogul-bets-meme-investing-220000958.html

 

[John Hjorth]

I would like to add Writser's and Gilmour's [alwaysinvert's] exchange in the Treasure ASA topic some days ago! ["General Norwegian-bashing" & "darn discount won't close"!] [ : - D]. [i hope Per [CoBF member perulv] does not take it too seriously.]

 

Jeff's [DooDiligence's] new signature isen't all that shappy either! [ : - D ]

[DooDiligence]

I would like to add Writser's and Gilmour's [alwaysinvert's] exchange in the Treasure ASA topic some days ago! ["General Norwegian-bashing" & "darn discount won't close"!] [ : - D]. [i hope Per [CoBF member perulv] does not take it too seriously.]

 

Jeff's [DooDiligence's] new signature isen't all that shappy either! [ : - D ]

 

If only I could remove CLB & VDE from my signature.

 

:-\

[DynamicPerception]

Why Parents Drink....

 

The boss of a big company needed to call one of his employees about an urgent problem with one of the main computers.

He dialed the  employee's' home phone number, and was greeted with a child's whisper. "Hello."

"Is your daddy home?" he asked.

"Yes," whispered the small voice.

"May I talk with him?"

The child whispered, "No."

Surprised, and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked,

"Is your Mommy there?"

"Yes."

"May I talk with her?"

Again the small voice whispered, "No."

Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a message, the boss  asked, "Is anybody else there?"

"Yes," whispered the child, "a policeman."

Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked, "May I speak with the policeman?"

"No, he's busy", whispered the child.

"Busy doing what?"

"Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the Fireman," came the whispered answer.

Growing concerned and even worried as he heard what sounded like a helicopter through the earpiece on the phone the boss asked,

"What is that noise?"

“A hello-copper” answered the whispering voice.

"What is going on there?" asked the boss, now truly alarmed.

In an awed whispering voice the child answered,

"The search team just landed the hello-copper."

Alarmed, concerned, and even more then just a little frustrated the Boss asked, "What are they searching for?"

Still whispering, the young voice replied along with a muffled giggle:

"ME."

[boilermaker75]

A cowboy appeared before St. Peter at the Pearly Gates:

 

''Have you done anything of particular merit in your life?'' St. Peter asked.

 

"Well, I can think of one thing,” the cowboy offered.

 

“On a trip to the Black Hills out in South Dakota, I came upon a gang of bikers who were threatening a young woman.  I directed them to leave her alone, but they wouldn't listen.

 

“So, I approached the largest and most tattooed biker and smacked him in the face, kicked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring, and threw it on the ground.  I yelled, 'Now, back off or I'll kick the stuffing out of all of you!’ ”

 

St. Peter was impressed, “When did this happen?”

 

“Couple of minutes ago.”

[DynamicPerception]

This happened yesterday and is important information for the older age group.

        A friend had his 2nd dose of the vaccine at the vaccination center after which he began to have blurred vision on the way home.

        When he got home, he called the vaccination center for advice and to ask if he should go see a doctor, or be hospitalized.

        He was told NOT to go to a doctor or a hospital, but just return to the vaccination center immediately and pick up his glasses!!

[DynamicPerception]

Mrs. Ravioli visits her son Anthony for dinner.

 

Anthony lives with a female roommate, Maria.

During the course of the meal, his mother couldn't help but notice how pretty Anthony's roommate is:

Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Anthony and his roommate than met the eye.

 

Reading his Mama's thoughts, Anthony volunteered:

"I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Mama, Maria and I are just roommates.''

 

About a week later, Maria came to Anthony saying:

"Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the silver sugar bowl. You don't suppose she took it, do you?"

Anthony replied: "Well, I doubt it, but I'll email her, just to be sure."

So, he sat down and wrote an email:

 

Dear Mama,

I'm not saying that you "did" take the sugar bowl from my house;

I'm not saying that you "did not" take it.

But the fact remains that it has been missing, ever since you were here for dinner.

Your Loving Son,

Anthony.

 

Several days later, Anthony received a response email from his Mama which read:

 

Dear Son,

I'm not saying that you "do" sleep with Maria, and I'm not saying that you "do not" sleep with her.

But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her OWN bed, she would have found the sugar bowl by now.

Your Loving Mama.

[LC]

But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her OWN bed, she would have found the sugar bowl by now.

 

Oh this is a good one :D Thanks for the morning (and 1hr sleep deprived) laugh!

[DooDiligence]

Roaring Kitty

 

(turn the sound on before playing)

 

[John Hjorth]

It's now a bit more than 8 years ago [and, today, +2 days!] that I registered and logged in here at CoBF for the first time. -Paying that absolutely nominal fee in CAD has been the best investment I've ever made! [-It's up to yourself to create your return on invested capital based on your  CoBF membership! - WYSIWYG! ->WYGIWYG!].

 

Today, I still remember eagerly reading the board during the first three years or so of my membership, without posting much - It's an investment Encyclopedia! - With Real Time sentiment built in! [About 100 posts [low quality, for sure & and as a given] within the first 3 years]. - I was "sucking in" & learning!

 

I also remember a period, where I was soo tired steering & "getting around" here on CoBF, there were so many bugs - bugging me! - that I considered - simply put - to let the "whole thing" go. Disclosure : I'm more of a phpBB guy. I was actually one the five translators of the Open Source phpBB Olympus project to Danish, who never got to meet IRL.

 

- - - o 0 o - - -

 

Now back to the joke:

 

During my "hazzle time" I found out an easier way to read the board. I've set up CoBF, so that in each topic I get the latest post first.

 

So, the real joke here is me, & my line of thinking - at that time.

 

- - - o 0 o - - -

 

-Posted like some break clown in a circus. -Rest assured that I appreciate any input from any of my fellew CoBF members!

 

- - - o 0 o - - -

 

Edit 1:

 

Ohh, I missed out on the real joke [what a posting disaster!]:

 

Attached is a screen shot from a post made by Mike [Cubsfan] today ... - These "^" signs still confuse me after so many years! Cigarbutt & Spekulatius use them too! [i suppose that I'm just getting old...]

[John Hjorth]

Yup. The old man is dollar cost averaging, started buying at $7 in 1965 and is still buying at $400,000 :D

 

This post of by aceskc made my day! -It reads like a "last man standing" game, if one think about it really long term!

[Ice77]

Henry Singleton did a variant of this back in the day with Teledyne. Watered the stock down like crazy by issuing a lot of stock to fund 100+ acquisitions in the conglomerate boom of 60s and then in the ensuing 70s bear market bought back 80% of it when everyone had given up on stocks. The stock did phenomenally well over his lifetime: ~23% CAGR over 35 years IIRC.

[DooDiligence]

What Bitcoin People Do During Happy Hour - Warren Buffet & Charlie Munger

 

[rkbabang]

What Bitcoin People Do During Happy Hour - Warren Buffet & Charlie Munger

 

 

That is hilarious, only because it isn't going to age well.  Reminds me of Paul Krugman saying that  "By 2005, it will become clear that the Internet’s impact on the economy has been no greater than the fax machine’s". 

 

Even smart people can sometimes be so colossally wrong that in retrospect their quotes can be hilarious.  This will be one of those cases.

 

[samwise]

Financial Times published an article after the merger of Athene (insurance) and Apollo (Private equity), asking "Is this the new Berkshire?". Of course there were lots of protests in the comments. This was the most liked comment: " This is like saying Dracula is the same as the Red Cross , just because they both deal in blood."

[DooDiligence]

Anyone else get the bitKoyfin email?

[DooDiligence]

OK, which one of you did this?

 

Edited April 17, 2021 by DooDiligence

[Longnose]

[rkbabang]

[LongHaul]

On 3/30/2021 at 1:36 PM, samwise said:

Financial Times published an article after the merger of Athene (insurance) and Apollo (Private equity), asking "Is this the new Berkshire?". Of course there were lots of protests in the comments. This was the most liked comment: " This is like saying Dracula is the same as the Red Cross , just because they both deal in blood."

Super funny.   

[nafregnum]

This joke will work at some point in the near future:

Q: "How do you make a small fortune in Dogecoin?"

A: "Well, you start by investing a large fortune."

[rkbabang]

On 5/6/2021 at 11:24 PM, nafregnum said:

This joke will work at some point in the near future:

Q: "How do you make a small fortune in Dogecoin?"

A: "Well, you start by investing a large fortune."

Read the chart

 

[DooDiligence]

Fixer upper?

[rkbabang]

On 5/21/2021 at 1:47 PM, DooDiligence said:

Fixer upper?

this one is almost as bad only I think it’s real

https://www.redfin.com/CA/Los-Angeles/2749-Tilden-Ave-90064/home/6750743?utm_source=ios_share&utm_medium=share&utm_nooverride=1&utm_content=link

[DooDiligence]

18 minutes ago, rkbabang said:

this one is almost as bad only I think it’s real

https://www.redfin.com/CA/Los-Angeles/2749-Tilden-Ave-90064/home/6750743?utm_source=ios_share&utm_medium=share&utm_nooverride=1&utm_content=link

If the owner can sell this place, they could move to NW Florida & get a nice beachfront condo & have cash to spare.

I like the late 50's - early 60's VW bug.