The Undertow of Kindness or Just Batshit Crazy?

[DooDiligence]

I recently spent 5 weeks in Thailand. I had 3 items on my agenda; go to a meditations retreat, do an assload of hiking and settle a debt with a jeweler I'd done business with a long time ago. The jewelers invoices were 15 years old and he'd stopped dunning me 12 years ago. They were for a series of orders involving a specifically sized diamond eternity band. The ring came and my client said it didn't fit their customer. This went on for multiple deliveries until I finally gave up on the clients order. I rationalized that I didn't owe the money because none of the rings ever worked for my client. I know, I'm an asshole. Anyway, these were my only goals for the trip. I wasn't there to get drunk, stoned or laid. In the process of doing all this I came up with an idea about how to counteract all the fear, hate and divisiveness that's being created in the world today.

 

Random acts of kindness with no desire for recognition or reward.

 

I'd read Walpola Rahula's "What the Buddha Taught" on my Kindle before the trip, and found a paper copy in Bangkok at the Chatuchak weekend market, which I read and started highlighting and making brief notes in. I ordered another copy on Amazon which arrived after I came home (I gave the 1st copy to a yoga classmate who asked about the subject). I've read through the 2nd paper copy and marked it up to be passed on as well, and now I've got a 3rd (technically 4th) copy that I'm re-reading again. I find that reading this book again and again makes the ideas clearer and easier to maintain (hold on loosely). I feel like someday I won't need it.

 

The big takeaways I got are; being more mindful leads to better understanding, and better understanding leads to more kindness. There's more to it, but it's unnecessary here.

 

Random acts of kindness here can literally affect someone on the other side of the world. You're only a few degrees of separation from someone who's going on an international flight. You do something nice that affects someone who's headed to the airport, and then they do something nice for someone who winds up in Europe, and they pass the feeling on to someone who's headed to a war torn shit hole, and instead of chopping some guys arms off, that person shows mercy, and since the guy still has both his hands he winds up writing a Pulitzer prize winning novel, and on, and on, and on. All maybe because you were kind and understanding with someone.

 

There are a lot of people who are unhappy with whats going on in US government right now. I believe that violent protests and peaceful protest will both be largely ineffective. Both actions will do nothing but attract violent opposition. My solution is to join neither faction and instead, go around performing random acts of kindness. It can be as simple as sending an anonymous cash donation to a daycare facility to help someone who can't afford their bill this month. Picking up trash as I hike around. Letting someone ahead of me in a checkout line or smiling and being patient with a slow witted checkout clerk, and figuring out a way to give them a genuine compliment when they finally get things sorted out.

 

So I started doing all this before I got back to the US, and about a month after I got home I made the mistake of dipping into the news cycle and fuck me, I started feeling the pull towards the dark side. Anger, hatred, violence. They're so seductive. It was so effortless to hold that mindful kindness before. Now I'm trying desperately to not dip into the political threads on here (I rarely have in the past but the lure is strong...), and I'm trying to NOT dip into what passes for news these days. Mental discipline is tough to develop and I'm weakening to often now.

 

I imagine some of these concepts to be like an undertow at the beach that's taking you away from all that satisfying hate. It's scary but don't fight it. There's a lot of sharks but they only go after the weak so just swim strong and eventually the undertow will let you head back towards the beach. There'll be a different crowd there who've all been through the same struggle.

 

Crazy I know, but imagine what it would be like if everyone was batshit crazy (in a good way, not like thirsty billionaires).

 

===

 

I just realized this is a bunch of bullshit.

MAGA will never let it happen.

[Spooky]

Everyone wants to save the world but no one wants to help mom do the dishes.

 

It is highly unlikely that anyone will have the opportunity to run into a burning orphanage and rescue an infant. But in the smallest gesture of kindness - a warm smile, holding the door for the person behind you, shovelling the driveway of the elderly person next door - you have committed an act of immeasurable profundity because to each of us, our life is our universe.

[thowed]

Lovely stuff.

[Gamecock-YT]

things are impermanent and your desires will only bring you unhappiness. My tour guide at Angkor Wat was a former Buddhist monk. He was very chill. Be chill. 

Edited April 1, 2025 by Gamecock-YT

[james22]

6 hours ago, DooDiligence said:

I just realized this is a bunch of bullshit.

MAGA will never let it happen.

 

If you tend to believe that the major events in your life are largely the consequence of your own choices and efforts, you are considered to have an internal locus of control.

 

On the other hand, if you tend to think what happens to you isn’t greatly determined by your choices and efforts, you have an external locus of control. “While in reality both external forces and personal choices play a role,” Ekins observes, “the question is what individuals emphasize.”

 

Their answers appear to be related to political identification. While Americans as a whole lean towards internal locus of control to a remarkable degree — much more so than Europeans and Asians tend to do — American conservatives are more likely than American progressives to express the internal-control view.

 

Consider this statement: “My life is determined by my own actions.” While 52 percent of respondents identified as very conservative agreed with this statement, only 33 percent of very liberal respondents agreed.

 

Here’s another one: “When I get what I want, it’s usually because I worked hard for it.” Support was 53 percent among the very conservative and 30 percent among the very liberal.

 

Perhaps even more to the point: “I feel like what happens in my life is mostly determined by powerful people.” Fully 61 percent of the very conservative respondents disagreed with this statement, while only 34 percent of the very liberal did.

 

https://www.carolinajournal.com/opinion/psychology-helps-explain-political-divide/

[backtothebeach]

6 hours ago, DooDiligence said:

... and settle a debt with a jeweler I'd done business with a long time ago.

 

So how did it go?

 

I once had a client of a tourism service that did not pay what she owed after the service. I asked for the payment a few times, and then gave up for a while. But about once a year I wrote another email "Hey xxx, could you please pay...". Her first and last name made it likely she was of Indian descent (living in the UK), so the last time I wrote "it would be good karma if you settled this", or something to the effect. Haha, I know, the karma thing may be a bad stereotype. But a few months later, out of nothing, she paid up by PayPal, we sent a receipt, and all good. Who knows what her mental or financial state was that could have been the reason. Took about 3 years.

[Paarslaars]

Are you confusing settling an old debt with random acts of kindness? 

[flesh]

A book you might be interested in, in over our heads, breaks down the orders of consciousness that different folks progress to, Keegan calls it subject object theory, he was the dean of education at Harvard iirc, it’s a westernized version of ancient eastern principals. One of the core differences between the higher orders is whether or not you are had by x or you have x. Do you have maga or does maga have you? Do you have the emotion or does the emotion have you? Are your automatic thought and feelings in control? Are you controlled by them, do they impinge on your psyche throughout the day? Who are you? Are you that which notices/is aware of the thought and feelings or are you the thoughts and feelings? Can you objectify your attachments, if so, they will dissolve. Notice the way they manifest, did you choose the thoughts or do they appear automatically? If they appear automatically, why take them seriously. 
 

[Eldad]

“You are the salt of the earth;” Matthew 5:13.

 

Jesus is saying the world is a rotting carcass that can only be preserved through acts of selflessness, kindness, generosity. 

Edited April 1, 2025 by Eldad

[DooDiligence]

1 hour ago, james22 said:

 

If you tend to believe that the major events in your life are largely the consequence of your own choices and efforts, you are considered to have an internal locus of control.

 

On the other hand, if you tend to think what happens to you isn’t greatly determined by your choices and efforts, you have an external locus of control. “While in reality both external forces and personal choices play a role,” Ekins observes, “the question is what individuals emphasize.”

 

Their answers appear to be related to political identification. While Americans as a whole lean towards internal locus of control to a remarkable degree — much more so than Europeans and Asians tend to do — American conservatives are more likely than American progressives to express the internal-control view.

 

Consider this statement: “My life is determined by my own actions.” While 52 percent of respondents identified as very conservative agreed with this statement, only 33 percent of very liberal respondents agreed.

 

Here’s another one: “When I get what I want, it’s usually because I worked hard for it.” Support was 53 percent among the very conservative and 30 percent among the very liberal.

 

Perhaps even more to the point: “I feel like what happens in my life is mostly determined by powerful people.” Fully 61 percent of the very conservative respondents disagreed with this statement, while only 34 percent of the very liberal did.

 

https://www.carolinajournal.com/opinion/psychology-helps-explain-political-divide/

 

I used to think that introversion and extroversion were defined in small part by whether you looked internally or externally to solve problems. I thought I was an introvert who displayed qualities of an extrovert. I took an intro to psychology class a few years ago and got corrected on that. I'm definitely an extrovert with an internal locus of control. I tend towards a very strong sense of personal responsibility (despite the unpaid invoice) and can't fathom how anyone could chronically and habitually refuse to accept personal responsibility, especially when in a position of leadership. Recent events have been very distressing to me. I know that I am not alone in this.

[DooDiligence]

1 hour ago, Paarslaars said:

Are you confusing settling an old debt with random acts of kindness? 

 

No, I am not. It was just part of the story about my trip.

[DooDiligence]

1 hour ago, backtothebeach said:

 

So how did it go?

 

I once had a client of a tourism service that did not pay what she owed after the service. I asked for the payment a few times, and then gave up for a while. But about once a year I wrote another email "Hey xxx, could you please pay...". Her first and last name made it likely she was of Indian descent (living in the UK), so the last time I wrote "it would be good karma if you settled this", or something to the effect. Haha, I know, the karma thing may be a bad stereotype. But a few months later, out of nothing, she paid up by PayPal, we sent a receipt, and all good. Who knows what her mental or financial state was that could have been the reason. Took about 3 years.

 

I took a Grab to the guys manufacturing facility. He used to be on Charoen Krung road, where a lot of jewelers are concentrated, but he'd moved the operation into his home (it's a big place). The downstairs area is all booths with workers sorting stones and bench jewelers doing their thing. It's on the west side of the Cha Phraya river in a neighborhood with very narrow single lane streets and stone walls on both sides. The streets were so narrow that in order to make it around some of the corners, the driver actually had to do little back and forth's a few times. This is not a Bangkok slum in any way shape or form.

 

We arrived at the address and I saw a polished brass plaque with the name of the business, and another one next door announcing a different jewelry manufacturer. I told the Grab driver he could go and then rang the bell. A guy came to the door and asked if I had an appointment. I said no but that Hmong would want to see me. The proprietor came to the door and didn't recognize me (I have a beard now), until I said "I owe you money, and I apologize for not paying sooner". He laughed and asked why I didn't call ahead. I told him that long forgotten debts should be paid by surprise.

 

As it turns out, he and I are on a similar journey. I found this out when he told me that he doesn't do the nightlife thing any more for clients. He thought I might be interested in partying like we used to do before. I told him about my recent meditation experience at Wat Mahatat and attempts to get on the path. We understood each other completely from then on.

[DooDiligence]

4 hours ago, Gamecock-YT said:

things are impermanent and your desires will only bring you unhappiness. My tour guide at Angkor Wat was a former Buddhist monk. He was very chill. Be chill. 

 

Life is suffering.

Suffering is caused by desire.

Reduce the attachment to desires and you reduce suffering.

Eliminate clinging and eliminate suffering entirely.

Asceticism is not the answer.

Mindfulness and understanding is the key.

Observing the rising and falling of desires makes them understandable.

It's not a matter of faith, but one of seeing truth.

 

"If I tell you I have a jewel in my fist, you either believe or not.

If I open my hand and show you the jewel, you know." - Siddhartha Gautama

 

I'm trying but external events are saddening and maddening fetters.

They hate so much and my ability to tolerate it comes and goes.

 

I challenge those who doubt any of this to sit quietly and think about nothing but your breath.

 

===

 

An ethical life requires: Right speech, right action and right livelihood.

 

Wisdom is developed through: Right understanding and right thought.

 

Mental discipline is built with: Right effort, right mindfulness and right concentration.

 

===

 

I remember hearing Earl Nightingale say, "you aren't always what you think you are, but what you think, you are."

 

I don't want to be an asshole who contributes to the misery of others.

I don't understand how anyone could claim to be a follower of Christ

and worship a politician whose entire life has been the exact opposite.

 

 

.

Edited April 1, 2025 by DooDiligence

[no_free_lunch]

31 minutes ago, DooDiligence said:

 

Life is suffering.

Suffering is caused by desire.

Reduce the attachment to desires and you reduce suffering.

Eliminate clinging and eliminate suffering entirely.

Asceticism is not the answer.

Mindfulness and understanding is the key.

Observing the rising and falling of desires makes them understandable.

It's not a matter of faith, but one of seeing truth.

 

"If I tell you I have a jewel in my fist, you either believe or not.

If I open my hand and show you the jewel, you know." - Siddhartha Gautama

 

I'm trying but external events are saddening and maddening fetters.

They hate so much and my ability to tolerate it comes and goes.

 

I challenge those who doubt any of this to sit quietly and think about nothing but your breath.

 

===

 

An ethical life requires: Right speech, right action and right livelihood.

 

Wisdom is developed through: Right understanding and right thought.

 

Mental discipline is built with: Right effort, right mindfulness and right concentration.

 

===

 

I remember hearing Earl Nightingale say, "you aren't always what you think you are, but what you think, you are."

 

I don't want to be an asshole who contributes to the misery of others.

I don't understand how anyone could claim to be a follower of Christ

and worship a politician whose entire life has been the exact opposite.

 

 

.

I think even just asking these questions is a step in the right direction.  However, if we are to question then it needs to be applied equally.  Nobody should get passes. 

[DooDiligence]

2 hours ago, no_free_lunch said:

I think even just asking these questions is a step in the right direction.  However, if we are to question then it needs to be applied equally.  Nobody should get passes. 

 

Absolutely.

 

Another CoBF'er sent me a link to the story of Maggie Doyne who bought land in Nepal and established a school / home. Part of me wants to do something similar but I know that's just the desire to get far away from the insanity here in the US. The change that needs to be effected is right here and to leave would be cowardly.

 

We are the wellspring of much of the world's sentiment and are currently exporting a lot of fear and hate. I want to figure out how to change that so that it spreads for the good of humanity. I'm afraid that I'm too late. The opposition seems insurmountable. We are swiftly spiraling into an abyss largely through the efforts of a few ill intentioned demagogues.

 

.

Edited April 1, 2025 by DooDiligence

[Vish_ram]

I was religious during my childhood, then went the route of atheism. After listening to some Ted talk, Ayahuasca, Vipasanna, Self inquiry (Ramana Maharshi) and a few non-dual experiences later I understood spirituality better.

 

This is what I wrote a few years ago:

 

Seek and ye shall find 
But who is seeking?  
It is the ego that is doing the seeking
For seeking to end, the ego should die 
The death of ego is the birth of enlightenment 
How to kill the ego?
Realize you’re not the doer, doing happens through you 
Quit the seeking, 
what you sought is already in you
But I still can’t find that. What then?
Let go the attachments, the craving and the wanting
Be still and empty the mind 
Abide in the awareness 
I am that I am. tat tvam asi 

Edited April 1, 2025 by Vish_ram

[DooDiligence]

 

[DooDiligence]

Standby while the bulls parade?

 

 

Weapons not food, not homes, not shoes
Not need, just feed the war cannibal animal
I walk the corner to the rubble that used to be a library
Line up to the mind cemetery now
What we don't know keeps the contracts alive and movin'
They don't gotta burn the books they just remove 'em
While arms warehouses fill as quick as the cells
Rally 'round the family, pockets full of shells

Edited April 1, 2025 by DooDiligence

[DooDiligence]

Which way to go?

 

Maybe be the undertow.

 

 

Edited April 1, 2025 by DooDiligence

[DooDiligence]

Time to get busy right here.

 

 

Edited April 1, 2025 by DooDiligence

[backtothebeach]

3 hours ago, DooDiligence said:

 

I took a Grab to the guys manufacturing facility. He used to be on Charoen Krung road, where a lot of jewelers are concentrated, but he'd moved the operation into his home (it's a big place). The downstairs area is all booths with workers sorting stones and bench jewelers doing their thing. It's on the west side of the Cha Phraya river in a neighborhood with very narrow single lane streets and stone walls on both sides. The streets were so narrow that in order to make it around some of the corners, the driver actually had to do little back and forth's a few times. This is not a Bangkok slum in any way shape or form.

 

We arrived at the address and I saw a polished brass plaque with the name of the business, and another one next door announcing a different jewelry manufacturer. I told the Grab driver he could go and then rang the bell. A guy came to the door and asked if I had an appointment. I said no but that Hmong would want to see me. The proprietor came to the door and didn't recognize me (I have a beard now), until I said "I owe you money, and I apologize for not paying sooner". He laughed and asked why I didn't call ahead. I told him that long forgotten debts should be paid by surprise.

 

As it turns out, he and I are on a similar journey. I found this out when he told me that he doesn't do the nightlife thing any more for clients. He thought I might be interested in partying like we used to do before. I told him about my recent meditation experience at Wat Mahatat and attempts to get on the path. We understood each other completely from then on.

 

Great story, thanks!

[Ghost]

I can honestly say...some of you on this board, lead or are leading a very interesting life....fantastic story

[DooDiligence]

10 minutes ago, backtothebeach said:

 

Great story, thanks!

 

He acknowledged the debt and actually tried to refuse the payment. I made him take it plus a late fee.

 

On another note, although gold prices have increased, sadly labor remains pretty much the same as it was 15 years ago.

Bench jewelers have quite the learning curve. It takes a lot of experience and you're exposed to many toxic chemicals.

All to promote a myth.

 

As a lot of people here know, many parts of the world shun 14K and even 18K. It makes a lousy store of value.

.

Edited April 1, 2025 by DooDiligence

[DooDiligence]

12 minutes ago, Ghost said:

I can honestly say...some of you on this board, lead or are leading a very interesting life....fantastic story

 

It's more interesting in the telling. The reality is a slog. As with all of us.

[james22]

3 hours ago, DooDiligence said:

Life is suffering.

Suffering is caused by desire.

Reduce the attachment to desires and you reduce suffering.

 

Nah, that's a cop out. The solution is not to care less, but to recognize what you can and cannot change. Then accept the latter and be responsible for the former.

 

Read the Stoics (or just the Serenity Prayer).

 

3 hours ago, DooDiligence said:

They hate so much and my ability to tolerate it comes and goes.

 

Read Thomas Sowell's A Conflict of Visions.

 

https://www.amazon.com/Conflict-Visions-Ideological-Political-Struggles/dp/0465002056/

 

You'll better understand how others can think so differently without being hateful.