The TRUE Cost of a Wedding

[shalab]

Your private school is cheap - around the place I live, it comes up to around 40K/year. The good thing about private schools is that the kids get individual attention and all go to college. The chances of doing drugs etc is low. And one can easily spend another 50K/year on a college coach in high school.

 

This is not including extra lessons such as music, math or sports. Add another 10-20K/year if you want those in after school hours.

 

Average cost of raising a kid to age 18 is 250K.

 

This is an even more absurd number than the wedding cost.  Consider the median family income is $50k and the average family has 2 kids.  That means on average this average family will pay $500k to raise two kids over 20 years (kids 2 years apart).  That means 55% of a family's pre-tax income goes to raising kids, or 74% of their after tax income.  Does this even make sense?

 

How does one spend 74% of their after tax income on raising kids when they're spending 30% of their gross income on rent or their mortgage?

 

I have three boys, I have no idea if they're more or less expensive than average.  We use a bit more electric because they don't turn off lights, they eat a TON of food (I'm scared for when they're teenagers), and they need clothes.  They eat up shoes like crazy and can destroy clothes fairly quickly.  I think the record was having a new pair of jeans a few hours before there was a hole in the knee.  But the additional food/clothes/lights/toys don't cost me $13k per year.  If it did I couldn't afford them.

 

I think these studies are skewed by the affluent.  My kids go to public schools, my cost is my tax dollars.  We have friends who are sending their kids to a private school, it's $9k per kid per year.  Over 18 years that's $162k to send them to a private school that may or maybe not be any different than the public school.  This family also pays for a nanny, I'm guessing she sucks up the other $4,800 per year they'd need to spend to hit the average number.  So if you send your kids to a private school and have a nanny it's possible to hit $250k. 

 

What throws me for a loop even more is that when you think of averages the less affluent have more kids.  In theory the cost should be skewed low.  If one travels to very rural areas or into poorer urban areas the average family size increases dramatically, and these people are raising kids on very little.  I guess it just goes to show how much more the top end is spending that the average is still so high.

 

I know for a fact we're not spending an additional $41k a year to raise our kids...

[watsa_is_a_randian_hero]

Average cost of raising a kid to age 18 is 250K.

 

This is an even more absurd number than the wedding cost.  Consider the median family income is $50k and the average family has 2 kids.  That means on average this average family will pay $500k to raise two kids over 20 years (kids 2 years apart).  That means 55% of a family's pre-tax income goes to raising kids, or 74% of their after tax income.  Does this even make sense?

 

 

I think this is another case similar to the wedding cost where many people have get help from friends/family.  Childcare is extremely expensive...but many people either chose to have a stay at home parent (opportunity cost) or are gifted free services from a grandparent or other family member.  Just because there was no cash exchanged doesnt mean that it didnt cost something. 

 

Also, not sure where you were getting to 41k/year.  250 / 20 = 12.5k per year per child.  This is easily doable and not at all skewed by affluent. 

[oddballstocks]

Average cost of raising a kid to age 18 is 250K.

 

This is an even more absurd number than the wedding cost.  Consider the median family income is $50k and the average family has 2 kids.  That means on average this average family will pay $500k to raise two kids over 20 years (kids 2 years apart).  That means 55% of a family's pre-tax income goes to raising kids, or 74% of their after tax income.  Does this even make sense?

 

 

I think this is another case similar to the wedding cost where many people have get help from friends/family.  Childcare is extremely expensive...but many people either chose to have a stay at home parent (opportunity cost) or are gifted free services from a grandparent or other family member.  Just because there was no cash exchanged doesnt mean that it didnt cost something. 

 

Also, not sure where you were getting to 41k/year.  250 / 20 = 12.5k per year per child.  This is easily doable and not at all skewed by affluent.

 

Ah, the $40k a year was three kids, $750k/18.  It's really $500k/18 for two kids.

 

You're right though, child care is expensive, but there are a lot of people who help out.  My mother-in-law watches my niece and nephew a day a week, the other grandmother watches them another day.  My brother-in-law's childcare cost is reduced 40% from this.  The grandmothers will claim it costs them nothing and they get to see their grandkids, but there is a cost.  It's lost flexibility or opportunity cost or whatever else.

 

Shalab - wow, $40k a year for private school.  That's significant.  I guess if a private school guarantees that a kid turns out well then maybe it's worth it?  The most affluent school district in our area sends almost 100% of their kids to college and also has a crazy heroin problem, something I don't quite reconcile.

 

Pedigree matters for a lot of professions, if you want your kids to be a top doctor, or top lawyer, investment banker etc then the right private school to prepare them for an Ivy League college is necessary.  It all depends on what you want in life for your kids.

[matjone]

Shalab, you're talking about spending 60k/yr and then 110k/yr for hs?  At some point I think you have to measure the value received vs the cost and ask if it's worth it.  You could spend a million dollars just getting your kid ready to have a career, or you could spend the same amount buying assets for him to fund the same lifestyle without working at all. 

[AzCactus]

Per TheKnot.com the average cost of wedding is $31213.

 

You're confusing cost and value. My wedding was in Manhattan, was 3x over budget and absurdly expensive (despite being described as 'modest' by out of town guests). It was also worth, and I'm not being hyperbolic here, infinite dollars as there was no amount of money that I would have been willing to trade for the experience.

 

So, I don't know, I guess you should save your money?

 

Ai,

 

A couple points to make.  First I don't know if your comment "you should save your money" was addressed towards me or a general comment.  That having been said I wasn't asking for advice regarding my specific situation.  Here are some facts though: Most people in their 20's and early 30's (those getting married) have debt of some kind (credit cards, student loan etc), most people don't save enough for retirement, and most people have no idea how to fix this.  A cheaper wedding isn't the only route to go, but given a 50% divorce rate and the fact that many of those people aren't actually known to the bride/groom down the road its a place to start.

 

Yeah, you're taking a risk by getting married but spending less on the marriage doesn't mollify that risk. Better risk management would be to do the equivalent of "diligence" on the marriage (e.g. living together, premarital counseling).

 

Assuming you're confident in the marriage, the wedding often has value that far exceeds its cost, often regardless of the cost. I'm arguing that having a fancy wedding their 20s is more valuable to people in than having a comfortable retirement.

 

AI, I would say that really depends on what your retirement would be without $500,000.  The difference between having $300K and $800K in retirement is huge....The difference between having $2.5 M and $3.0 M probably won't effect lifestyle that much.  I would think that most people on this blog have a combination of above average incomes and life below their income. I don't think the average person across the board though lives this way. 

[shalab]

Read this article on what people are willing to do

http://www.bloomberg.com/news/articles/2014-09-04/how-to-get-into-an-ivy-league-college-guaranteed

 

This is not for everyone, a million dollars is a lot of cash for some folks (including me) but not so much for some others.

 

Shalab, you're talking about spending 60k/yr and then 110k/yr for hs?  At some point I think you have to measure the value received vs the cost and ask if it's worth it.  You could spend a million dollars just getting your kid ready to have a career, or you could spend the same amount buying assets for him to fund the same lifestyle without working at all.

[Parsad]

Wedding expense is only the starter  ;D- then if you have kids, it will cost you a fortune. Average cost of raising a kid to age 18 is 250K. Then if you pay the college expenses, it will set you back atleast another 200K. Then if you pay their marriage expenses....

 

Parsad is the wise one here - he is done with all this and has accumulated all the wisdom  :D

 

Not so lucky!  I paid part of my brother's wedding & reception and I help them out now...raised him with my Mom, so unfortunately I've inherited what would have been my father's expense!  ;D  Although I do have an awesome 18-month old nephew that I love spoiling!  Cheers!

[Liberty]

I wouldn't trade my wife and kid for millions  ;)

[AzCactus]

I wouldn't trade my wife and kid for millions  ;)

 

Fortunately reduction of expenses is different from abolishing them altogether

[nodnub]

I wouldn't trade my wife and kid for millions  ;)

 

your wife reads this board too?  ;)

[Jurgis]

I wouldn't trade my wife and kid for millions  ;)

 

Somebody offered you millions for wife and kid? Can I get a contact number? Maybe I'll sell mine.  8)

[Liberty]

I wouldn't trade my wife and kid for millions  ;)

 

Somebody offered you millions for wife and kid? Can I get a contact number? Maybe I'll sell mine.  8)

 

[Jurgis]

That's an offer my wife cannot refuse.  8)

[jawn619]

From Ross Perot's Biography.

 

"I clearly remember the day that Margot and I shopped for her engagement ring. We bought it in Baltimore at Tyson's Jewelers. It cost eight hundred dollars. That almost cleaned out my bank account, but it was worth every penny."

 

Members of this board probably don't have the ability to find a wonderful woman and see that a wife is a great investment.

 

Who run the world, girls - Beyonce.

[boilermaker75]

From Ross Perot's Biography.

 

"I clearly remember the day that Margot and I shopped for her engagement ring. We bought it in Baltimore at Tyson's Jewelers. It cost eight hundred dollars. That almost cleaned out my bank account, but it was worth every penny."

 

Members of this board probably don't have the ability to find a wonderful woman and see that a wife is a great investment.

 

Who run the world, girls - Beyonce.

 

"She's so fine, there's no tellin' where the money went," Robert Palmer.

[oddballstocks]

 

Members of this board probably don't have the ability to find a wonderful woman and see that a wife is a great investment.

 

 

Wow, what a way to paint with a very broad brush. From this thread I'd argue just the opposite. There are quite a few who've discovered that a spouse (and kids) are worth more than dollar amounts or opportunity cost.

[jawn619]

 

Members of this board probably don't have the ability to find a wonderful woman and see that a wife is a great investment.

 

 

Wow, what a way to paint with a very broad brush. From this thread I'd argue just the opposite. There are quite a few who've discovered that a spouse (and kids) are worth more than dollar amounts or opportunity cost.

 

You're right. I didn't read the previous posts. My apologies to the board

[premfan]

My sister is getting married in two weeks. Here is how they decided to organize there wedding.

 

1.) My brother in law and sister are having the wedding in my parents backyard ( its big).  RSVP as of now is 85 adults and 15 kids. 

 

2.) We remodeled our basement which was empty space and now is a 2,000 sq ft bar and dance area. After wedding if parents decide can rent this out as a 2,000 sq ft 2 bedroom apartment. Market price is roughly 1,600 dollars a month.

 

3.) Total cost of wedding + basement remodel is 55k. 

 

4.) My brother in law and sister are only accepting cash as gifts through there website. So rough guess 250 dollars per adult ( kids obviously wont pay) times 85= 21,250k.

 

5.) Roughly 34k true cost of wedding and basement remodel.  If parents decide to rent roughly 19,200k a year income. ROI of wedding 56 percent per year off of 34k investment. That's a nice divie. 

 

Smart move by brother in law and sister to only accept cash through website. Also the value add (TVA) of remodeling the basement was genius even if don't rent it increases the property value rough guess by 150-200k. 

 

premfan

[rkbabang]

My sister is getting married in two weeks. Here is how they decided to organize there wedding.

 

1.) My brother in law and sister are having the wedding in my parents backyard ( its big).  RSVP as of now is 85 adults and 15 kids. 

 

2.) We remodeled our basement which was empty space and now is a 2,000 sq ft bar and dance area. After wedding if parents decide can rent this out as a 2,000 sq ft 2 bedroom apartment. Market price is roughly 1,600 dollars a month.

 

3.) Total cost of wedding + basement remodel is 55k. 

 

4.) My brother in law and sister are only accepting cash as gifts through there website. So rough guess 250 dollars per adult ( kids obviously wont pay) times 85= 21,250k.

 

5.) Roughly 34k true cost of wedding and basement remodel.  If parents decide to rent roughly 19,200k a year income. ROI of wedding 56 percent per year off of 34k investment. That's a nice divie. 

 

Smart move by brother in law and sister to only accept cash through website. Also the value add of remodeling the basement was genius even if don't rent it increases the property value rough guess by 200k. 

 

premfan

 

They should put a leader board on their website and list the most generous gifters in order (without saying what they gave), get a competition going for people to move themselves up the list.  Email the top 10 to the whole wedding list every day.

 

"Honey can you believe even Great Aunt Mildred gave more than we did? How embarrassing. We have to send them some more."

 

[premfan]

My sister is getting married in two weeks. Here is how they decided to organize there wedding.

 

1.) My brother in law and sister are having the wedding in my parents backyard ( its big).  RSVP as of now is 85 adults and 15 kids. 

 

2.) We remodeled our basement which was empty space and now is a 2,000 sq ft bar and dance area. After wedding if parents decide can rent this out as a 2,000 sq ft 2 bedroom apartment. Market price is roughly 1,600 dollars a month.

 

3.) Total cost of wedding + basement remodel is 55k. 

 

4.) My brother in law and sister are only accepting cash as gifts through there website. So rough guess 250 dollars per adult ( kids obviously wont pay) times 85= 21,250k.

 

5.) Roughly 34k true cost of wedding and basement remodel.  If parents decide to rent roughly 19,200k a year income. ROI of wedding 56 percent per year off of 34k investment. That's a nice divie. 

 

Smart move by brother in law and sister to only accept cash through website. Also the value add of remodeling the basement was genius even if don't rent it increases the property value rough guess by 200k. 

 

premfan

 

They should put a leader board on their website and list the most generous gifters in order (without saying what they gave), get a competition going for people to move themselves up the list.  Email the top 10 to the whole wedding list every day.

 

"Honey can you believe even Great Aunt Mildred gave more than we did? How embarrassing. We have to send them some more."

 

My sister is getting married in two weeks. Here is how they decided to organize there wedding.

 

1.) My brother in law and sister are having the wedding in my parents backyard ( its big).  RSVP as of now is 85 adults and 15 kids. 

 

2.) We remodeled our basement which was empty space and now is a 2,000 sq ft bar and dance area. After wedding if parents decide can rent this out as a 2,000 sq ft 2 bedroom apartment. Market price is roughly 1,600 dollars a month.

 

3.) Total cost of wedding + basement remodel is 55k. 

 

4.) My brother in law and sister are only accepting cash as gifts through there website. So rough guess 250 dollars per adult ( kids obviously wont pay) times 85= 21,250k.

 

5.) Roughly 34k true cost of wedding and basement remodel.  If parents decide to rent roughly 19,200k a year income. ROI of wedding 56 percent per year off of 34k investment. That's a nice divie. 

 

Smart move by brother in law and sister to only accept cash through website. Also the value add of remodeling the basement was genius even if don't rent it increases the property value rough guess by 200k. 

 

premfan

 

They should put a leader board on their website and list the most generous gifters in order (without saying what they gave), get a competition going for people to move themselves up the list.  Email the top 10 to the whole wedding list every day.

 

"Honey can you believe even Great Aunt Mildred gave more than we did? How embarrassing. We have to send them some more."

 

Wow rkbabang thats genius! 

[TwoCitiesCapital]

My sister is getting married in two weeks. Here is how they decided to organize there wedding.

 

1.) My brother in law and sister are having the wedding in my parents backyard ( its big).  RSVP as of now is 85 adults and 15 kids. 

 

2.) We remodeled our basement which was empty space and now is a 2,000 sq ft bar and dance area. After wedding if parents decide can rent this out as a 2,000 sq ft 2 bedroom apartment. Market price is roughly 1,600 dollars a month.

 

3.) Total cost of wedding + basement remodel is 55k. 

 

4.) My brother in law and sister are only accepting cash as gifts through there website. So rough guess 250 dollars per adult ( kids obviously wont pay) times 85= 21,250k.

 

5.) Roughly 34k true cost of wedding and basement remodel.  If parents decide to rent roughly 19,200k a year income. ROI of wedding 56 percent per year off of 34k investment. That's a nice divie. 

 

Smart move by brother in law and sister to only accept cash through website. Also the value add of remodeling the basement was genius even if don't rent it increases the property value rough guess by 200k. 

 

premfan

 

They should put a leader board on their website and list the most generous gifters in order (without saying what they gave), get a competition going for people to move themselves up the list.  Email the top 10 to the whole wedding list every day.

 

"Honey can you believe even Great Aunt Mildred gave more than we did? How embarrassing. We have to send them some more."

 

My sister is getting married in two weeks. Here is how they decided to organize there wedding.

 

1.) My brother in law and sister are having the wedding in my parents backyard ( its big).  RSVP as of now is 85 adults and 15 kids. 

 

2.) We remodeled our basement which was empty space and now is a 2,000 sq ft bar and dance area. After wedding if parents decide can rent this out as a 2,000 sq ft 2 bedroom apartment. Market price is roughly 1,600 dollars a month.

 

3.) Total cost of wedding + basement remodel is 55k. 

 

4.) My brother in law and sister are only accepting cash as gifts through there website. So rough guess 250 dollars per adult ( kids obviously wont pay) times 85= 21,250k.

 

5.) Roughly 34k true cost of wedding and basement remodel.  If parents decide to rent roughly 19,200k a year income. ROI of wedding 56 percent per year off of 34k investment. That's a nice divie. 

 

Smart move by brother in law and sister to only accept cash through website. Also the value add of remodeling the basement was genius even if don't rent it increases the property value rough guess by 200k. 

 

premfan

 

They should put a leader board on their website and list the most generous gifters in order (without saying what they gave), get a competition going for people to move themselves up the list.  Email the top 10 to the whole wedding list every day.

 

"Honey can you believe even Great Aunt Mildred gave more than we did? How embarrassing. We have to send them some more."

 

Wow rkbabang thats genius!

 

Why limit it to the top 10? I imagine the motivation to not be last on that list would drive more donations from each person that ended up in last each day...lol

[wachtwoord]

My sister is getting married in two weeks. Here is how they decided to organize there wedding.

 

1.) My brother in law and sister are having the wedding in my parents backyard ( its big).  RSVP as of now is 85 adults and 15 kids. 

 

2.) We remodeled our basement which was empty space and now is a 2,000 sq ft bar and dance area. After wedding if parents decide can rent this out as a 2,000 sq ft 2 bedroom apartment. Market price is roughly 1,600 dollars a month.

 

3.) Total cost of wedding + basement remodel is 55k. 

 

4.) My brother in law and sister are only accepting cash as gifts through there website. So rough guess 250 dollars per adult ( kids obviously wont pay) times 85= 21,250k.

 

5.) Roughly 34k true cost of wedding and basement remodel.  If parents decide to rent roughly 19,200k a year income. ROI of wedding 56 percent per year off of 34k investment. That's a nice divie. 

 

Smart move by brother in law and sister to only accept cash through website. Also the value add of remodeling the basement was genius even if don't rent it increases the property value rough guess by 200k. 

 

premfan

 

They should put a leader board on their website and list the most generous gifters in order (without saying what they gave), get a competition going for people to move themselves up the list.  Email the top 10 to the whole wedding list every day.

 

"Honey can you believe even Great Aunt Mildred gave more than we did? How embarrassing. We have to send them some more."

 

My sister is getting married in two weeks. Here is how they decided to organize there wedding.

 

1.) My brother in law and sister are having the wedding in my parents backyard ( its big).  RSVP as of now is 85 adults and 15 kids. 

 

2.) We remodeled our basement which was empty space and now is a 2,000 sq ft bar and dance area. After wedding if parents decide can rent this out as a 2,000 sq ft 2 bedroom apartment. Market price is roughly 1,600 dollars a month.

 

3.) Total cost of wedding + basement remodel is 55k. 

 

4.) My brother in law and sister are only accepting cash as gifts through there website. So rough guess 250 dollars per adult ( kids obviously wont pay) times 85= 21,250k.

 

5.) Roughly 34k true cost of wedding and basement remodel.  If parents decide to rent roughly 19,200k a year income. ROI of wedding 56 percent per year off of 34k investment. That's a nice divie. 

 

Smart move by brother in law and sister to only accept cash through website. Also the value add of remodeling the basement was genius even if don't rent it increases the property value rough guess by 200k. 

 

premfan

 

They should put a leader board on their website and list the most generous gifters in order (without saying what they gave), get a competition going for people to move themselves up the list.  Email the top 10 to the whole wedding list every day.

 

"Honey can you believe even Great Aunt Mildred gave more than we did? How embarrassing. We have to send them some more."

 

Wow rkbabang thats genius!

 

Limited attendance. Top 50 gifts get 2 tickets, top 2 is best man/woman, 3 and 4 choose ringbearers and top 15 get a more exclusive meal. Seating arrangements are based on leaderboard.

[permabear]

Getting married next week. Traditional, middle eastern families - translation: bloated guest list. Our culture for wedding gifts is cold hard cash, so that helps pay off some of the cost. I will be very happy if I get back half of what I spent. Weddings are expensive and vendors in the wedding industry are filthy bloodsuckers.

 

Want a cheap wedding? Go somewhere. Destination wedding. I have heard stories of couples who actually made money off of these trips, as the resort will give them a free stay if they bring a certain number of people. Also, destinations will significantly reduce your guest count, in a way that you could never do in your hometown -- i.e. if I tried to host a small wedding in town and purposely didn't invite certain family/friends, that would have caused a big issue.

 

We had an engagement party last summer in my backyard with about 100 people and it was very affordable. All the food was made in-house, we bought a bunch of booze, I got friends to "DJ" (with their iPhone) and tend the bar, we rented tables and chairs (no tent, it didn't rain thankfully). It was a great night and it would have totally qualified as a proper wedding reception. If you can pull this off, you can do it for $5-10k and will not regret it.

 

I don't look at current consumption as a loss of capital that I can compound for x number years -- if I thought like that I would never buy anything and just die filthy rich (like Buffett)... what's the point?

[rukawa]

The wedding and reception were great, a very memorable event. Anytime you can be with friends, or family spending time it's worth the money spent to do it.

 

To me weddings are torture. Paying $10000 for a wedding is like paying $10000 to get kicked in the ass repeatedly. They are a headache to organize. Incredibly stressful to plan. And usually the actual day is itself stressful and requires you to go up to a bunch of people you barely know and pretend to be happy they came. And then there are all the things that inevitably go wrong and piss you off.

 

And I don't get why it costs money to spend time with friends. Go to Boston Pizza. It doesn't cost $10000.

 

And I also don't understand how the value of a wife is equated to spending money on her. To me it makes sense to spend money on things. And to trade off money for time that you spend with people. A woman who you spend no time with but spend money on is called a prostitute.

 

As far as I can see adulthood consists of doing really stupid things repeatedly that make absolutely no sense but you have to do them because if you don't everyone else will judge you as pathetic. Its all about the optics.

[fareastwarriors]

Being Chinese, I understand that the wedding is not about the groom or the bride even though she is the main star. The wedding  is about the family first (and a bit about friends). The wedding is for them to enjoy.

 

I know some people do a second wedding with just friends and get to enjoy it actually.