Biggest regrets of the older posters here?

[ValueArb]

Quote

Chains of habit are too light to be felt until they are too heavy to be broken.

Warren Buffett

 

As a 60 year old man thats my #1, probably the most important quote I've ever read for guiding how you live your life. That said I struggle mightily with poor and suboptimal habits, but I spend a lot more time thinking about them and I've eliminated the worst. 

 

The second piece of advice is always live beneath your means, and always save money. Again, something I've struggled with as I'm divorced and starting over with half of my portfolio in her name.

 

I used to play high stakes poker with an 86 year old friend who was a brick-layer (huge strong hands and fingers) who owned properties through out Phoenix area, including a mall in downtown Sedona. He moved to Phoenix in his 20s to get out of the cold weather and economy of Detroit, Michigan, and worked mostly skilled labor jobs. Him and his wife would walk around and would bid whenever they saw a cheap property that they thought they could make something of. Just from saving as much of his wages as possible and having his canny wife work the properties they built an empire. Rest in peace, Mel.

 

Last piece of advice is maintain an active lifestyle or workout regime, because once you let it go too far, its far harder to get your body back to a healthy when you are older. I was a college wrestler in excellent shape, 5'7" walking around at 145 lbs all lean muscle. By the time I was in my 40s I had gotten up to 170 lbs, and still ran a few times a month but otherwise didn't stick with any workout program long. When I got divorced at age 56 I weighed 190 lbs, and let depression run my weight up to my peak of 208 lbs. It even got scary during COVID when I realized that I was wheezing just walking around.

 

So then I started to want to get back in shape, but could no longer run because of a torn tendon in my ankle. Surgery and rehab took forever, and stalled when my hip started to ache constantly. Turned out I needed a new hip, which I tried to put off unwisely because when I finally succumbed to it the surgery and rehab was a piece of cake and I could finally walk and ride my bike without pain. Only then did I really commit to working out every day, and trying to improve my terrible diet*. Mainly I've been doing hot yoga every day, mixed with regular weightlifting and occasional long bike rides.

 

I lost about 25 lbs my first 9 months, then tore both tendons and labrum in my right shoulder 6 months ago, which also led to a swollen biceps tendon that aches regularly. At first I said, that's it, I can't keep working out until its fixed, its too hard. My doctor said surgery wasn't warranted, put me in PT for 6 weeks, and said the bicep will either heal or rupture, either way it will feel better after. He told me working out wasn't going to make things worse, so I went back to yoga every day, weighlifting before, and he was right. I think the shoulder and bicep are improving, and I'm back to only one rest day a week. Lots of ice and heat help too, and occasionally tylenol.

 

After 15 months of hard hard work,  I am now 174 lbs, with a lot more lean body mass (maybe 15% body fat?), so probably within 5-10 lbs of my ideal. My resting heart rate has dropped from 70 to 48, my waist has shrunk so much that when I buy smaller waisted shorts they are too loose within a few months. 

 

My trick is every day I think about skipping my workouts, and then I just tell myself I can always skip tomorrow, or tomorrow I might be forced to skip because of other conflicts so just get this one out of the way. On the days I dread going into the 100 degree heat of hot yoga or make excuses like maybe I don't feel great, I just tell myself to just go, you can always just lay on my mat but just go. So I always go and I always end up giving it my max effort. Just go and good things will happen.

 

Figure out good workouts and physical activities that you enjoy enough to do regularly, and stick with them and when you reach my age you hopefully won't be deep in the hole that I dug myself and be forced to dig out at the same time your body starts falling apart. 

 

* One terrible dietary habit I developed that undid a great habit the kept me relatively slim for decades was McDonalds for breakfast. In my 20s-40s I almost always started the day with a healthy high fiber low calorie cereal, but when work was stressful and I needed to get up early and beat everyone into the office to get a key project done I'd just go through the Mcdonalds drive through with a big coke and eat it at my desk.

 

That established a nasty correlation where I associated McD's breakfast with my most productive and happy work experiences. And as I aged whenever I felt the need to bear down and work hard, I start to jonze for McDonalds breakfast to kick off the process. So by the time I got divorced I was so depressed every morning that I just defaulted to  picking up breakfast at McDs as it made me feel better. I'm on the way to breaking this chain, but its very tentative, any urgent appointment/work in the morning and suddenly a bowl of healthy cereal doesn't feel like its enough. 

 

So back to #1. Be careful what habits and feedback loops you create, they are very hard to undo.

[nsx5200]

1 hour ago, longlake95 said:

have a third. When your old you'll look back and be glad you did.

Just curious.  Why the third?  Trying to understand if there's something magical about the third that you're not getting with two.

[longlake95]

5 minutes ago, nsx5200 said:

Just curious.  Why the third?  Trying to understand if there's something magical about the third that you're not getting with two.

nothing special about the #3. I think the question was if I have 2 should I have a 3rd. I say yes. Or a 4th, etc. yes, there is a limit. I have a friend with 6 kids. I don't think I could do it. My point is when you're old, having more kids/grandkids around the better it is for you. Big families used to be the norm.

[ValueArb]

On 6/2/2024 at 7:24 AM, sleepydragon said:

Does anyone has a good suggestion of YouTube video for daily strength training exercise? I never do any much exercise (except swimming and walking), but now I decided I will buy some dumbbells and start doing it

 

The mental side of working out is just as important as the actual physical side. I wanted to get back to lifting forever, had a paid gym membership for years at a very nice club 5 minutes away and always had time to go, but never went and made excuses. I didn't like the atmosphere, ie some of the people there, I was hungry, my arm hurt, I didn't have enough time, etc. 

 

What was holding me back was me. It was far too easy to make excuses. I realized in the past I always had a workout partner so that i had to show up, but now my friends have moved away and I was trying to do it myself. So if you have someone (even your partner) who is also motivated to do similar things, make a commitment to them and make them commit to you, and you'll be way more consistent. And working out is all about consistency, if you keep doing it for years on end you'll end up having great results. I couldn't find a workout partner myself and was considering paying for a personal trainer to force me to lift consistently but they are so expensive!

 

Then one night scrolling youtube I came across a video of a hilariously foul mouthed exercise scientist criticizing a video of the actress who plays Captain Marvel being trained for the role. He walked through why certain exercises were demonstrated to be effective, and others, far less so from actual exercise science studies. It got me hooked and I watched a bunch of his videos and learned a great deal.

 

https://www.youtube.com/@RenaissancePeriodization/videos

 

First, I solved my consistency problem by signing up for their app, where it generates workout routines for me so every day I know what I need to do in the weight-room and thats been all the motivation I need to get to the gym. Its $35/month but thats way cheaper than a personal trainer and I have a lot more confidence in the apps advice than a random red shirted kid the gym would give me. 

 

Secondly, you don't have to buy a membership,  RP's youtube videos teach good core concepts for how to build muscle as quickly, safely and as time efficiently as possible. Don't be put off by the fact RP's coaches are all professional body builders, the goals are the same. Increase/maintain muscle mass (hypertrophy) with as little time in the gym or working out as possible. In general, they will advise you to use less weight, keep reps in the 5-30 range, lift smoothly and don't drop or jerk the weights, use full range of motion to stretch and keep the muscle under tension longer, and use negative resistance to maximize the hypertrophy effect. 

 

For example, for bicep curls you want to lift the weight up as far as possible until you practically can touch your shoulders, then slowly lower it down until your arm is entirely straight at the bottom, and repeat. Think about the muscle being under tension through that entire range of motion. My gym is full of lifters trying to lift ridiculous amounts, so heavy they can only do a fraction of the movement, which forces them to spend hours doing way more reps and sets to get the same results. Yesterday I saw an old couple doing exercises they had been probably assigned by a personal trainer, and on the preacher curl they'd only move a few inches. They looked miserable, and I knew their results were going to be limited and their time wasted.

 

You don't need heavy weights to get jacked. Pushups and a couple dumbells for sets of 10-30 curls, shoulder presses, etc will work great if you just focus on good form, full range of motion and slowly lowering to really work the muscle.

Edited June 5 by ValueArb

[longlake95]

this ought to help your strength training. 

 

[Xerxes]

2 hours ago, rkbabang said:

 

I lived south of Boston and worked North of Boston. I would get up at 4:30am, leave my house about 5am and get to work about 6:10am (not too bad).  Unfortunately in the afternoon I'd leave work about 3:30-4pm and not get home until 5:30-6pm (sometimes later).  It was brutal and took a lot of time away from my family.  And like you said, I was too tired to do anything during the week other than work and commute.  In 2011 I changed jobs which would have added another 25 miles to my commute further north so I decided to move to NH so that I would have a 20min commute.  That was life changing.  Of course when COVID hit I worked from home which was even better.  Then in 2022 I got my company to transfer me to the NH office and now I work from home 3 days per week and have a 10min commute the other 2 days.  AND I no longer pay MA state income taxes, so life is good.

 

 

 

Sir

You are so close to the White Mountains. That is such a blessing. 

[Xerxes]

1 hour ago, ValueArb said:

 

As a 60 year old man thats my #1, probably the most important quote I've ever read for guiding how you live your life. That said I struggle mightily with poor and suboptimal habits, but I spend a lot more time thinking about them and I've eliminated the worst. 

 

The second piece of advice is always live beneath your means, and always save money. Again, something I've struggled with as I'm divorced and starting over with half of my portfolio in her name.

 

I used to play high stakes poker with an 86 year old friend who was a brick-layer (huge strong hands and fingers) who owned properties through out Phoenix area, including a mall in downtown Sedona. He moved to Phoenix in his 20s to get out of the cold weather and economy of Detroit, Michigan, and worked mostly skilled labor jobs. Him and his wife would walk around and would bid whenever they saw a cheap property that they thought they could make something of. Just from saving as much of his wages as possible and having his canny wife work the properties they built an empire. Rest in peace, Mel.

 

Last piece of advice is maintain an active lifestyle or workout regime, because once you let it go too far, its far harder to get your body back to a healthy when you are older. I was a college wrestler in excellent shape, 5'7" walking around at 145 lbs all lean muscle. By the time I was in my 40s I had gotten up to 170 lbs, and still ran a few times a month but otherwise didn't stick with any workout program long. When I got divorced at age 56 I weighed 190 lbs, and let depression run my weight up to my peak of 208 lbs. It even got scary during COVID when I realized that I was wheezing just walking around.

 

So then I started to want to get back in shape, but could no longer run because of a torn tendon in my ankle. Surgery and rehab took forever, and stalled when my hip started to ache constantly. Turned out I needed a new hip, which I tried to put off unwisely because when I finally succumbed to it the surgery and rehab was a piece of cake and I could finally walk and ride my bike without pain. Only then did I really commit to working out every day, and trying to improve my terrible diet*. Mainly I've been doing hot yoga every day, mixed with regular weightlifting and occasional long bike rides.

 

I lost about 25 lbs my first 9 months, then tore both tendons and labrum in my right shoulder 6 months ago, which also led to a swollen biceps tendon that aches regularly. At first I said, that's it, I can't keep working out until its fixed, its too hard. My doctor said surgery wasn't warranted, put me in PT for 6 weeks, and said the bicep will either heal or rupture, either way it will feel better after. He told me working out wasn't going to make things worse, so I went back to yoga every day, weighlifting before, and he was right. I think the shoulder and bicep are improving, and I'm back to only one rest day a week. Lots of ice and heat help too, and occasionally tylenol.

 

After 15 months of hard hard work,  I am now 174 lbs, with a lot more lean body mass (maybe 15% body fat?), so probably within 5-10 lbs of my ideal. My resting heart rate has dropped from 70 to 48, my waist has shrunk so much that when I buy smaller waisted shorts they are too loose within a few months. 

 

My trick is every day I think about skipping my workouts, and then I just tell myself I can always skip tomorrow, or tomorrow I might be forced to skip because of other conflicts so just get this one out of the way. On the days I dread going into the 100 degree heat of hot yoga or make excuses like maybe I don't feel great, I just tell myself to just go, you can always just lay on my mat but just go. So I always go and I always end up giving it my max effort. Just go and good things will happen.

 

Figure out good workouts and physical activities that you enjoy enough to do regularly, and stick with them and when you reach my age you hopefully won't be deep in the hole that I dug myself and be forced to dig out at the same time your body starts falling apart. 

 

* One terrible dietary habit I developed that undid a great habit the kept me relatively slim for decades was McDonalds for breakfast. In my 20s-40s I almost always started the day with a healthy high fiber low calorie cereal, but when work was stressful and I needed to get up early and beat everyone into the office to get a key project done I'd just go through the Mcdonalds drive through with a big coke and eat it at my desk.

 

That established a nasty correlation where I associated McD's breakfast with my most productive and happy work experiences. And as I aged whenever I felt the need to bear down and work hard, I start to jonze for McDonalds breakfast to kick off the process. So by the time I got divorced I was so depressed every morning that I just defaulted to  picking up breakfast at McDs as it made me feel better. I'm on the way to breaking this chain, but its very tentative, any urgent appointment/work in the morning and suddenly a bowl of healthy cereal doesn't feel like its enough. 

 

So back to #1. Be careful what habits and feedback loops you create, they are very hard to undo.

Amazing ValueArb 

i am glad you are getting to where you want to be 

[rkbabang]

16 minutes ago, Xerxes said:

Sir

You are so close to the White Mountains. That is such a blessing. 

 

It certainly is.  NH is beautiful.  Lakes & mountains!   Just a couple a pictures I snapped with my phone in the last year.

[cubsfan]

^^^ breathtaking!

 

[james22]

No man has the right to be an amateur in the matter of physical training.

 

It is a shame for a man to grow old without seeing the beauty and strength of which his body is capable.

 

Socrates

[Fly]

3 hours ago, rkbabang said:

 

It certainly is.  NH is beautiful.  Lakes & mountains!   Just a couple a pictures I snapped with my phone in the last year.

 

 

 

I moved from NH to MA. I'm doing this all wrong 

[Jaygo]

8 hours ago, longlake95 said:

nothing special about the #3. I think the question was if I have 2 should I have a 3rd. I say yes. Or a 4th, etc. yes, there is a limit. I have a friend with 6 kids. I don't think I could do it. My point is when you're old, having more kids/grandkids around the better it is for you. Big families used to be the norm.

To me having another is like saving for retirement. Small sacrifices now for the betterment of your future self.
Sure there are some sleepless nights and life changes and the house looks like bomb went off at toys r us but man kids are fun. They make you young and when you’re old you’ll be glad you had them  just like saving for retirement. 

[rohitc99]

1 hour ago, Jaygo said:

To me having another is like saving for retirement. Small sacrifices now for the betterment of your future self.
Sure there are some sleepless nights and life changes and the house looks like bomb went off at toys r us but man kids are fun. They make you young and when you’re old you’ll be glad you had them  just like saving for retirement. 

We settled for a dog after 2 kids. Initially dreaded the thought and were kind of pushed into it by our kids. But with kids growing up and going off to college, i think its a great decision for us. For sure, having a dog has made our life better. Once they go through the initial puppy phase (a few months), there much lesser work - feed them and take them for a walk

[nsx5200]

5 hours ago, Jaygo said:

To me having another is like saving for retirement. Small sacrifices now for the betterment of your future self.
Sure there are some sleepless nights and life changes and the house looks like bomb went off at toys r us but man kids are fun. They make you young and when you’re old you’ll be glad you had them  just like saving for retirement. 

Kids are fun.  We had twins first (twins are always unexpected), and then we had another unexpected singleton.  No regrets.  I read some study saying that parents are always less happier with kids, but when you ask them about it, they all say it's worth it.  I guess we're all just a little bit of masochist inside.  Yeah, the one thing that I regret was not having enough photos of them when they were young (and I took a lot).  In the future, all the little one's life will be recorded almost constantly, and the AI will pick out the interesting parts for us to look at.  There is a market for that, I guarantee it.

[tooskinneejs]

On 6/5/2024 at 12:10 PM, ValueArb said:

My trick is every day I think about skipping my workouts, and then I just tell myself I can always skip tomorrow, or tomorrow I might be forced to skip because of other conflicts so just get this one out of the way. On the days I dread going into the 100 degree heat of hot yoga or make excuses like maybe I don't feel great, I just tell myself to just go, you can always just lay on my mat but just go. So I always go and I always end up giving it my max effort. Just go and good things will happen.

 

Figure out good workouts and physical activities that you enjoy enough to do regularly, and stick with them and when you reach my age you hopefully won't be deep in the hole that I dug myself and be forced to dig out at the same time your body starts falling apart. 

 

* One terrible dietary habit I developed that undid a great habit the kept me relatively slim for decades was McDonalds for breakfast.

 

Loved your post as it really resonated with my situation.  Once we had kids, I didn't spend enough time taking care of myself (and I too have been know to eat more than my share of McDonald's).  For exercise, I used to have a regular, pulley-based weight machine.  I would run through the standard routine of exercises on it, but I never really pushed myself.  And I only used it occasionally.

 

Things changed when I found something that worked for me.  If anyone is looking for an exercise solution that is really effective and highly motivating, I strongly recommend Tonal (the wall mounted, smart weight machine).  I bought one a year ago and it has been the best investment I've made in my health.

 

 

I love Tonal because it has instructor-led classes and programs (live and pre-recorded) and the instructors who exercise along side me push me way more than I pushed myself when I was working out on my own.  Tonal measures your strength and then automatically sets the weights for each exercise in a particular class.  This saves so much time that you can get an absolutely killer workout (if that is what you want) in 30 minutes.  Some exercises in a class use the Tonal machine and others don't.  For example, you might do squats followed by jumping jacks.  And you can do almost any weight-lifting movement on the Tonal.

 

As your strength and fitness improves, Tonal automatically adjusts the weights over time in small increments and shows you your progress.

 

Maybe you are thinking, "well Tonal is good for strength but what about cardio?" I'll say this - I have a Peloton also and an intermediate or advanced class on the Tonal gets me way more winded than my Peloton ever does (and its not as boring).

 

Its a big investment to buy the machine and there is a monthly subscription.  Before shelling out the cash, I realized that I can either spend the money on my health now or I'm going to have to spend even more later in life.  From all I had read, strength training is one of the most important things you can do as you age.  So I bit the bullet and made the investment.  Being a value guy, I bought my Tonal used on Craigslist for half the price of new.

 

So to answer the main question of this thread, I would say a big regret is not taking care of my health and fitness once I had kids.  I recommend that the younger among us take care of your fitness in your 30's and 40's and think about it like a non-optional investment in your long-term health.

 

Now if only I could kick the McDonald's...

[james22]

35 minutes ago, tooskinneejs said:

Things changed when I found something that worked for me.

 

That's the best advice.

 

The Barbell Prescription makes the objective argument for strength training over anything else, but what matters most is finding something that works for you. 

 

https://www.amazon.com/Barbell-Prescription-Strength-Training-After/dp/0982522770/

[Dinar]

My two biggest regrets are starting to have kids too late (39 for number one and 44 for number 3), and I always wanted four.  I also feel too old sometimes to play soccer against my son and his friends, would not have been a problem ten years ago.  The second regret is abdicating my exercise regimen a decade ago, and letting weight balloon.  Now it is a huge fight to stay at same level and start loosing it. 

[coffeecaninvestor]

On 6/4/2024 at 10:15 PM, Jaygo said:

I’m 39 so likely smack in the middle of the age cohort. 
 

Very few regrets but one I do regret is not having a third or fourth child. I could go on and on about wisdom that I’ve gotten but honestly I just wish I didn’t get snipped when I did and had one more kid. 
 

we made a hyper rational decision and frankly I wish emotions had won the day. 
I remember 6 years ago thinking another would be too hard, too expensive. We would need a bigger car!!  Well now my youngest is seven and he and his sister are the loves of my life. I will never have this feeling again and frankly I’m greedy for another. 
 

I guess I’d say that true wealth is family not finance. 
 

both are important but the latter don’t mean shit without the former and the former is way more important than the latter. 
 

 

I was thinking about this recently.. I’m lucky my wife talked into a third kid. They grow up so fast. Having kids isn’t easy but it’s easily the most rewarding thing I can think of. 

[RedLion]

On 6/5/2024 at 9:44 AM, ValueArb said:

You don't need heavy weights to get jacked. Pushups and a couple dumbells for sets of 10-30 curls, shoulder presses, etc will work great if you just focus on good form, full range of motion and slowly lowering to really work the muscle.

I’m finding this inspirational. I’ve always used a 3x5 starting strength type strategy. But I herniated a disc and am told I need to avoid lifting heavy. Ideally focusing on working in an 8-10 rep range. 
 

I’ve been doing some squats and deadlifts. But I need to start doing this as a regular routine and get the feel for doing these higher rep routines.