The TRUE Cost of a Wedding

[SmallCap]

We were married 10 years ago and the cost was around 5K

 

We had around 200 people but we also had these advantages

the wedding was in a church that she attended, the reception was in the new wing that the church had just added and was amazingly sized just right for the reception. We had plenty of food at the reception but it wasn't a sit down meal with assigned seating because we preferred a lot of mingling and conversation. Net cost of facilities $0

My sister happens to be an amazing seamstress who did the wedding dress. cost -400 for material

largest expense - photographer - and she was worth it in my opinion

next largest expense - flowers - we overdid it here because we had live flowers in hanging arrangements lining the center isle, it was beautiful but we and family and some guest got to enjoy those flowers for the rest of the summer.

 

Looking back I'm not sure i would change much in how we spent money, I'm not sure spending more would have made it any better.

 

 

[glorysk87]

I have no idea how many people we had, 150-200 I think.  I'd have to ask my wife, it was medium sized.

 

Americans...  ::)  :o

 

 

Supersize me baby.

 

HAHA...really, Americans are the offenders here? You've obviously never been to an Asian or Middle Eastern wedding...

[watsa_is_a_randian_hero]

Did a lot of the decoration themselves

 

I guess in addition to the points I made below about (a) guest count, (b) cutting corners and/or © dry wedding, the other common theme I'm seeing on here from people who claim to have had cheap weddings is a lot of "I did" or "x friend did". 

 

That doesnt reduce the cost of your wedding...you either had to do the work yourself (time = money) or someone gave you a gift of below-cost services. 

 

I think the biggest determining factor is the expectation of those who are coming. 

 

Agreed, with the corollary that if you can't afford to meet those expectations, you are better off not hosting an event or paring down guestlist and doing something much smaller. 

[Eye4Valu]

Spent a lot on the wedding and engagement ring. She later lost her engagement ring and I bought an even bigger one. Had a total blast at the wedding. Am still married. Totally love my wife. I save a lot of money. Wouldn't change a thing. Go big or go home.

[merkhet]

I have no idea how many people we had, 150-200 I think.  I'd have to ask my wife, it was medium sized.

 

Americans...  ::)  :o

 

 

Supersize me baby.

 

Have you been to an Indian wedding? Went to my first one in New Delhi last July. 200 is indeed medium compared to an Indian wedding.

[Graham Osborn]

I had an Indian wedding last summer (3 days long - my first one was my own haha). It was fun but tiring.

 

Don't even get me started.  Have one sister getting married this year with Indian wedding - ~300 overseas guests from what I can tell.  I could easily see the total economic cost at 500k+, although the CTC/ CTP (cost to couple/ cost to parents) may be less.  I have a theory to explain why Indian families would do something so apparently stupid.  Indian families tend to be more family business-oriented than Western families, so it's quite possible the reconnects/ sidebar conversations recoup this apparently insane investment.  Focus on CTC, and if it exceeds 100k you may have solved 2 problems at once ;)

[Guest]

I have no idea how many people we had, 150-200 I think.  I'd have to ask my wife, it was medium sized.

 

Americans...  ::)  :o

 

 

Supersize me baby.

 

Have you been to an Indian wedding? Went to my first one in New Delhi last July. 200 is indeed medium compared to an Indian wedding.

 

 

Yep. We had 250 and that was fairly small. My wife's cousin are expecting 500+

[rkbabang]

I have no idea how many people we had, 150-200 I think.  I'd have to ask my wife, it was medium sized.

 

Americans...  ::)  :o

 

Supersize me baby.

 

 

Do Canadians not have large families?  I have 36 1st cousins, almost all of them older than me so they all had spouses and some of them teenage kids by the time I got married.  My wife has a large family as well. Out of the 250 we invited it was over 200 family members alone.  And there were some hard feelings over it from people we cut from the list.

 

Do you know all these people as close friends? Why would you invite them?  :o

 

Yes I know all of these people.  Like I said we have large families and they all lived in the same area back then.  Even just our immediate families are large there have been thanksgiving dinners and Easter meals at my house with as many as 45 people.  That is just our parents and grandparents, our siblings, nieces and nephews, and a few of our many aunts and uncles.

 

[AzCactus]

Here's the link to the knot for those intereested:  https://www.theknot.com/content/average-wedding-cost

[Jurgis]

I have no idea how many people we had, 150-200 I think.  I'd have to ask my wife, it was medium sized.

 

Americans...  ::)  :o

 

 

Supersize me baby.

 

Have you been to an Indian wedding? Went to my first one in New Delhi last July. 200 is indeed medium compared to an Indian wedding.

 

I was half kidding. Yeah, I am aware of Indian weddings.

 

For me, 50 person wedding is large.

 

But whatever makes youse guys happy. :) I'm not judging. :)

 

Peace and love and all that. :)

 

 

[AzCactus]

Quite honestly I'm not claiming to be a huge fan of frugality forever.  However, a wedding is something usually done at a relatively young age (at least the first time) and something that comprises a large % of the average income.  The suggestion of eating ramen forever or buying a 25 year old car can come with other repercussions such as health issues with only ramen and maintenance/time costs with a super old car. 

[BG2008]

Obviously none of you guys have ever been to an 800 people wedding in Chinatown New York.  Such amateurs.  :P

[turar]

We had a semi-Indian wedding, can't remember how many people it was. Anyway, we spent about $10K on it, including a week stay at 2 rental houses on the beach for close family. And we got $9K or so back in wedding gifts. As in checks/cash in envelopes. If we did it right, we could have made money on our wedding. :) Not sure if checks in envelopes is a cultural thing though and not as widely practiced in more traditional American/Caucasian weddings.

[Nelson]

The TRUE cost of a wedding is whatever you and your spouse decide to pay. Averages are useless because they're brought up by people like Oddball's college buddy who spend $100k.

 

If you want to spend $30k on a giant party that's up to you. My wife and I didn't so we spent $1,500 going to Vegas and doing it there.

[rkbabang]

We had a semi-Indian wedding, can't remember how many people it was. Anyway, we spent about $10K on it, including a week stay at 2 rental houses on the beach for close family. And we got $9K or so back in wedding gifts. As in checks/cash in envelopes. If we did it right, we could have made money on our wedding. :) Not sure if checks in envelopes is a cultural thing though and not as widely practiced in more traditional American/Caucasian weddings.

 

Having a wedding for profit! Now that is how a value investor does a wedding.

 

I had a mix of gifts and some checks, but even with 240 people the checks didn't amount to much.  I had one family of 4 give me $25.  I can't remember, but I think the total was significantly less than $2K.  Neither of us come from wealthy people.

 

[TheAiGuy]

Per TheKnot.com the average cost of wedding is $31213.

 

You're confusing cost and value. My wedding was in Manhattan, was 3x over budget and absurdly expensive (despite being described as 'modest' by out of town guests). It was also worth, and I'm not being hyperbolic here, infinite dollars as there was no amount of money that I would have been willing to trade for the experience.

 

So, I don't know, I guess you should save your money?

[AzCactus]

Per TheKnot.com the average cost of wedding is $31213.

 

You're confusing cost and value. My wedding was in Manhattan, was 3x over budget and absurdly expensive (despite being described as 'modest' by out of town guests). It was also worth, and I'm not being hyperbolic here, infinite dollars as there was no amount of money that I would have been willing to trade for the experience.

 

So, I don't know, I guess you should save your money?

 

Ai,

 

A couple points to make.  First I don't know if your comment "you should save your money" was addressed towards me or a general comment.  That having been said I wasn't asking for advice regarding my specific situation.  Here are some facts though: Most people in their 20's and early 30's (those getting married) have debt of some kind (credit cards, student loan etc), most people don't save enough for retirement, and most people have no idea how to fix this.  A cheaper wedding isn't the only route to go, but given a 50% divorce rate and the fact that many of those people aren't actually known to the bride/groom down the road its a place to start. 

[Jurgis]

I doubt that the wedding size or "quality" (in terms of food, glitz, whatever) has big correlation with the happiness of wedded life afterwards. So I partially agree with Dshachory.

 

But then also as I said in other message, do whatever makes you guys happy.  8)

 

 

I suggest going for the naked underwater wedding in Antarctica

[boilermaker75]

If my daughter ever gets engaged, I am going to offer them $20k to elope!

[AzCactus]

I doubt that the wedding size or "quality" (in terms of food, glitz, whatever) has big correlation with the happiness of wedded life afterwards. So I partially agree with Dshachory.

 

But then also as I said in other message, do whatever makes you guys happy.  8)

 

 

I suggest going for the naked underwater wedding in Antarctica

 

Jurgis, I want people to be happy as much as the next guy.  That being said bigger, more expensive doesn't equal happiness necessarily.  If anyone can find a study showing a positive correlation between the amount spent on a wedding and happiness I'll admit I'm wrong.  However, based on what I've read/seen that's not really how it works.   

[Travis Wiedower]

Jurgis, I want people to be happy as much as the next guy.  That being said bigger, more expensive doesn't equal happiness necessarily.  If anyone can find a study showing a positive correlation between the amount spent on a wedding and happiness I'll admit I'm wrong.  However, based on what I've read/seen that's not really how it works.   

 

Even if there was a correlation, it wouldn't be because of causation. The finding would be that wealthier people have lower divorce rates or something like that (possible I suppose, who knows).

[fareastwarriors]

Loans for Weddings: Fintech Learns to Focus

http://www.wsj.com/articles/new-fintech-lenders-narrow-their-scope-1461193681

[shalab]

Wedding expense is only the starter  ;D- then if you have kids, it will cost you a fortune. Average cost of raising a kid to age 18 is 250K. Then if you pay the college expenses, it will set you back atleast another 200K. Then if you pay their marriage expenses....

 

Parsad is the wise one here - he is done with all this and has accumulated all the wisdom  :D

[oddballstocks]

Average cost of raising a kid to age 18 is 250K.

 

This is an even more absurd number than the wedding cost.  Consider the median family income is $50k and the average family has 2 kids.  That means on average this average family will pay $500k to raise two kids over 20 years (kids 2 years apart).  That means 55% of a family's pre-tax income goes to raising kids, or 74% of their after tax income.  Does this even make sense?

 

How does one spend 74% of their after tax income on raising kids when they're spending 30% of their gross income on rent or their mortgage?

 

I have three boys, I have no idea if they're more or less expensive than average.  We use a bit more electric because they don't turn off lights, they eat a TON of food (I'm scared for when they're teenagers), and they need clothes.  They eat up shoes like crazy and can destroy clothes fairly quickly.  I think the record was having a new pair of jeans a few hours before there was a hole in the knee.  But the additional food/clothes/lights/toys don't cost me $13k per year.  If it did I couldn't afford them.

 

I think these studies are skewed by the affluent.  My kids go to public schools, my cost is my tax dollars.  We have friends who are sending their kids to a private school, it's $9k per kid per year.  Over 18 years that's $162k to send them to a private school that may or maybe not be any different than the public school.  This family also pays for a nanny, I'm guessing she sucks up the other $4,800 per year they'd need to spend to hit the average number.  So if you send your kids to a private school and have a nanny it's possible to hit $250k. 

 

What throws me for a loop even more is that when you think of averages the less affluent have more kids.  In theory the cost should be skewed low.  If one travels to very rural areas or into poorer urban areas the average family size increases dramatically, and these people are raising kids on very little.  I guess it just goes to show how much more the top end is spending that the average is still so high.

 

I know for a fact we're not spending an additional $41k a year to raise our kids...

[TheAiGuy]

Per TheKnot.com the average cost of wedding is $31213.

 

You're confusing cost and value. My wedding was in Manhattan, was 3x over budget and absurdly expensive (despite being described as 'modest' by out of town guests). It was also worth, and I'm not being hyperbolic here, infinite dollars as there was no amount of money that I would have been willing to trade for the experience.

 

So, I don't know, I guess you should save your money?

 

Ai,

 

A couple points to make.  First I don't know if your comment "you should save your money" was addressed towards me or a general comment.  That having been said I wasn't asking for advice regarding my specific situation.  Here are some facts though: Most people in their 20's and early 30's (those getting married) have debt of some kind (credit cards, student loan etc), most people don't save enough for retirement, and most people have no idea how to fix this.  A cheaper wedding isn't the only route to go, but given a 50% divorce rate and the fact that many of those people aren't actually known to the bride/groom down the road its a place to start.

 

Yeah, you're taking a risk by getting married but spending less on the marriage doesn't mollify that risk. Better risk management would be to do the equivalent of "diligence" on the marriage (e.g. living together, premarital counseling).

 

Assuming you're confident in the marriage, the wedding often has value that far exceeds its cost, often regardless of the cost. I'm arguing that having a fancy wedding their 20s is more valuable to people in than having a comfortable retirement.