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Ask JP Morgan (#AskJPM)


Guest ajc
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Looks like the PR department decided to do the whole Twitter open forum thing with #AskJPM.

In hindsight, maybe not one of their better ideas.

 

Some samples:

 

- What's your favorite innovation in financial fraud in the last decade or two? #AskJPM

 

- Are SEC regulators good in bed or do they just kinda lie there? #AskJPM

 

- I have Mortgage Fraud, Market  Manipulation, Credit Card Abuse, Libor Rigging and Predatory Lending AM I DIVERSIFIED? #AskJPM

 

 

It goes on. And to be fair, those are definitely some of the tamer ones. Not sure the words 'epic fail' quite cover it...

 

https://twitter.com/search?q=%23AskJPM&src=hash

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Oh boy, some of these are really funny:

 

Will the firm explore new markets, like selling candy-backed securities to babies w/o disclosing the lack of chocolate in the bonds?

 

Heck, I think it's good for people to release their frustration with the financial industry. And I guess since JPM has been the government's whipping boy of late, they just decided to throw caution to the wind and open it up to the general public as well?

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If I remember correctly, aren't these the guys that typically NEVER has a losing day in their trading division?

 

I would expect them to be good, VERY good.  They are JP Morgan after all!  Not to have even 1 losing trading day in a typical quarter?

 

That makes me think they are some type of space aliens with 500 IQ's...

 

OR

 

Perhaps they are engaged in some type of activity that results in SURE FIRE profits...even at the expense of their clients.

 

If you were a client, why would want to do business with them?  Sure seems suspicious...

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If I remember correctly, aren't these the guys that typically NEVER has a losing day in their trading division?

 

I would expect them to be good, VERY good.  They are JP Morgan after all!  Not to have even 1 losing trading day in a typical quarter?

 

That makes me think they are some type of space aliens with 500 IQ's...

 

OR

 

Perhaps they are engaged in some type of activity that results in SURE FIRE profits...even at the expense of their clients.

 

If you were a client, why would want to do business with them?  Sure seems suspicious...

 

These numbers are mainly due to flow.  They are making a brokerage fee.  It isn't prop spec.

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Brutal. It's a bona fide social media massacre.

 

Some more:

 

- When Jamie Dimon eats babies are they served rare? I understand anything above medium-rare is considered gauche. #AskJPM

 

- Can I have my house back? #AskJPM

 

- Is it easier to manipulate CDX, Commodities, Libor or Currencies. Which is your preferred market? #AskJPM

 

- What is the average air speed velocity of an unladen swallow? #AskJPM

 

- Who is getting fired for this? #askjpm

 

- Does Eric Holder take one lump or two? #AskJPM

 

- You are aware that everybody hates you, right? You aren't? No. Oh. Ok. #AskJPM

 

- Q: When did the realization the London Whale trades had escalated beyond your control feel the same as this spiraling PR disaster? #AskJPM

 

- Whatever happened to Hansen? Man those boys could sing. #AskJPM

 

 

I mean, we're pretty much talking non-stop abuse here. Funny? Yes. Hilarious in fact, but completely relentless.

 

Also, I'm guessing some heads are rolling in their PR department right about now...

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