Advice for New Parents

[alxcii]

Thank you everyone for sharing - really appreciate all the sage advice!

 

On 1/14/2025 at 2:58 AM, Kizion said:

Related to the 3 months you're alone, I assume this is at the end, so when the baby is +12 months. This is the "nice" period. I liked it the best after 6 months (which I really don't like) and before 18-24 months, as after that they are great but also more difficult (read, more tiring). Again, if you have no daycare during that period, being a full time dad will be nice but intensive. Ideally you at least have 1 day per workweek where you can have me-time (even if it just a day where you don't have any plans, but not having the responsibility to think of the child is needed). 

 

We put ourselves on the waiting lists of several daycares, hopefully one comes through before we both return to work

 

On 1/14/2025 at 10:19 AM, Lazarus said:

It took a couple of weeks to figure out what I was doing, but once I got the hang of it, I LOVED it and it was easy. Me and the baby went all over, played all day. My wife would come home from work and the kid would be covered in mud from playing outside with me. If I hadn't done this, I would have ended up simply deferring to my wife on a lot of parenting issues since "she's the mother", the way a lot of men behave in families. I liked the experience so much that I ended up staying off work with each baby until they were 18-months old. 

 

I did that with both of my daughters and our connection is strong because of it. 

 

That's amazing, I hope I feel the same as you did with your daughters!

 

On 1/14/2025 at 10:23 AM, thepupil said:

 

if you have a ton of money and don't care about your career progression, i think you should take 15 months of paid leave regardless. that is an insane benefit. 

 

babies are a ton of work the first few months but one or both of you will eventually have a fair bit of free time with both of you at home, they sleep a lot. 

 

I took 3 weeks and my wife took 12 weeks (unpaid). I assume you're not in the U.S? I know plenty of dads who took none.

 

two jobs offering 12-15 months of paid leave is wild! 

 

I'm in Canada - to be clear for it's not fully paid leave, I get a top up for some months and then EI for some other months and then I believe benefits would run out before the 15 are up. As for my wife she is self-employed so she can do whatever she wants but does get some benefits from her professional association.

 

On 1/14/2025 at 10:48 AM, Castanza said:

Advice for the first 5 months (your mindset): "They aren't giving you a hard time, they are having a hard time." Will bring you back to earth when you're sleep deprived and frustrated at 3am. Also make a pact with your wife to not hold anything you say against each other the first few weeks. Buckle up and enjoy it!

 

This is such gold, thank you!

 

On 1/14/2025 at 11:14 AM, Dinar said:

Totally.  What we did was shifts: wife was with the baby 9 pm till 3am, and I was 3 am till 9 am

 

Nice to see staggering works! We were thinking of doing something similar.

 

On 1/14/2025 at 12:52 PM, Jaygo said:

1. I was much more involved in the birth than I ever expected, I was shocked to see my wife that way.

2. The baby comes out looking really weird. That's normal. I thought she was deformed and I just about fainted.

3. The whole birth is kind of messy, just be ready.

4. Everyone talks about sleep deprivation, it is so much more, its tiredness mixed with anxiety, just be ready.

5. They are very tiny, and the skull is still soft. (be careful and make sure to rotate them in the crib so they dont get misshapen heads. 

6. They grow up so fast its painful. Enjoy every second of it and DO NOT take any of it for granted. 

7 .Get your house in order now. Get the room ready long before because you dont want to paint, new carpet and furniture, new mattresses and other toxic shit around a newborn. 

 

Great list, working hard on #7 right now.

 

On 1/14/2025 at 11:21 AM, Longnose said:

The greatest investment you can make, is investing your time and attention into your children. No amount of money will make up for time and attention given to your kids.  They wont remember much from the early years beyond how much are you there or not there and what is the feeling in your home. 

 

Congrats on the twins! Definitely need to keep this in mind - I think about the Munger quote where he said his kids think that he's a book with legs sticking out. All respect to Munger but I hope to be more than a book...

 

13 hours ago, Whensthepaintdry? said:

Also expecting my first in a few months. Thank you all for sharing and thank you  for starting the thread @alxcii. I plan on taking my 2 months of paid FMLA and then 3 months after that. My goal is to help my wife as much as I possibly can. 

 

Congrats!