Psychology of Misjudgment #2. Liking/Loving Tendency

[LongHaul]

2. Liking/Loving Tendency

…A newly arrived human is “born to like and love” under the normal and abnormal triggering outcomes for its kind… And what will a man naturally come to like and love, apart from his parent, spouse, and child? Well, he will like and love being liked and loved. And so many a courtship competition will be won by a person displaying exceptional devotion, and man will generally strive, lifelong, for the affection and approval of many people not related to them…

 

One very practical consequence of Liking/Loving Tendency is that it acts as a conditioning device that makes the liker or lover tend:

 

to ignore faults of, and comply with wishes of, the object of his affection,

to favor people, products, and actions merely associated with the object of his affection (as we shall see when we get to “Influence-from Mere-Association Tendency”), and

to distort other facts to facilitate love.

Of course, this can be taken to the point that we ignore all faults of people, things, ideas, and beliefs we admire. Anything bad is pushed aside, ignored, or distorted.

[LongHaul]

If you have lived a decent amount of time you have probably seen yourself or others love or really like some bad people as the ignore their major faults.  It almost always ends badly.

 

If you are a single guy or gal reading this be careful with this bias, as you may rationalize away important defects in a marriage partner.

[LongHaul]

Munger's actual talk in his own words- worth a listen (or 5) if you have not heard it before

 

 

[Guest cherzeca]

If you have lived a decent amount of time you have probably seen yourself or others love or really like some bad people as the ignore their major faults.  It almost always ends badly.

 

If you are a single guy or gal reading this be careful with this bias, as you may rationalize away important defects in a marriage partner.

 

bad people with major faults.  you have loaded the dice.

 

yes there are people who seem "addicted" to loving the wrong kind of person.  but for the large majority of us, looking past faults and providing unconditional love is a pretty good idea

[mjohn707]

In the previous thread on incentives I shared an antidote or remedy that I found helpful for combating the effects of that particular bias, so I though I’d share an anecdote or example in this thread instead as per our original instructions.  And it just so happens that I had an Uncle, who sadly passed in a tragic way, who made his living in sales during what some might call the golden age of the salesman, when relationships and the personal touch of the occupation were still so important.  And I can remember a few things he used to say about the art of selling that stuck with me to this day, and seem to exemplify the bias in discussion perfectly. 

 

I can recall today, almost like it was yesterday, that he used to say that “Personality always wins the day,” that “The man who makes an appearance in the business world, the man who creates personal interest, is the man who gets ahead,” and that you only had to "Be liked and you will never want." Finally the line that really sticks out, and that I often heard him mutter to himself over and over when he was suffering from one of those great sadnesses that seemed to overtake him periodically in his later years, was that it was “the wonder of this country that a man can end up with diamonds here, on the basis of being liked.”  He would often follow that line by yelling out “Attention must be paid!” while flickering the lights in the room off and on.  And in truth my uncle Willy was only a passable salesman despite his apparent deep fluency with this particular physiological bias, and he probably was just not able to get a great deal of traction due to his lack of knowledge of the lollapalooza tendency, which we will no doubt get to eventually in our discussion.  And it’s also perhaps true that while my Uncle was liked, he was really never well-liked.

 

[LongHaul]

Thanks for sharing.

 

I should of added "General Discussion" to the list of topics to discuss regarding Psychology.

[nodnub]

In the previous thread on incentives I shared an antidote or remedy that I found helpful for combating the effects of that particular bias, so I though I’d share an anecdote or example in this thread instead as per our original instructions.  And it just so happens that I had an Uncle, who sadly passed in a tragic way, who made his living in sales during what some might call the golden age of the salesman, when relationships and the personal touch of the occupation were still so important.  And I can remember a few things he used to say about the art of selling that stuck with me to this day, and seem to exemplify the bias in discussion perfectly. 

 

I can recall today, almost like it was yesterday, that he used to say that “Personality always wins the day,” that “The man who makes an appearance in the business world, the man who creates personal interest, is the man who gets ahead,” and that you only had to "Be liked and you will never want." Finally the line that really sticks out, and that I often heard him mutter to himself over and over when he was suffering from one of those great sadnesses that seemed to overtake him periodically in his later years, was that it was “the wonder of this country that a man can end up with diamonds here, on the basis of being liked.” He would often follow that line by yelling out “Attention must be paid!” while flickering the lights in the room off and on.  And in truth my uncle Willy was only a passable salesman despite his apparent deep fluency with this particular physiological bias, and he probably was just not able to get a great deal of traction due to his lack of knowledge of the lollapalooza tendency, which we will no doubt get to eventually in our discussion.  And it’s also perhaps true that while my Uncle was liked, he was really never well-liked.

 

 

aren't these all quotes from "The Death of a Salesman"?

[mjohn707]

In the previous thread on incentives I shared an antidote or remedy that I found helpful for combating the effects of that particular bias, so I though I’d share an anecdote or example in this thread instead as per our original instructions.  And it just so happens that I had an Uncle, who sadly passed in a tragic way, who made his living in sales during what some might call the golden age of the salesman, when relationships and the personal touch of the occupation were still so important.  And I can remember a few things he used to say about the art of selling that stuck with me to this day, and seem to exemplify the bias in discussion perfectly. 

 

I can recall today, almost like it was yesterday, that he used to say that “Personality always wins the day,” that “The man who makes an appearance in the business world, the man who creates personal interest, is the man who gets ahead,” and that you only had to "Be liked and you will never want." Finally the line that really sticks out, and that I often heard him mutter to himself over and over when he was suffering from one of those great sadnesses that seemed to overtake him periodically in his later years, was that it was “the wonder of this country that a man can end up with diamonds here, on the basis of being liked.” He would often follow that line by yelling out “Attention must be paid!” while flickering the lights in the room off and on.  And in truth my uncle Willy was only a passable salesman despite his apparent deep fluency with this particular physiological bias, and he probably was just not able to get a great deal of traction due to his lack of knowledge of the lollapalooza tendency, which we will no doubt get to eventually in our discussion.  And it’s also perhaps true that while my Uncle was liked, he was really never well-liked.

 

 

aren't these all quotes from "The Death of a Salesman"?

 

It also seems to share some of the same terrible stage instructions as well.  What a coincidence!

[Gamecock-YT]

In the previous thread on incentives I shared an antidote or remedy that I found helpful for combating the effects of that particular bias, so I though I’d share an anecdote or example in this thread instead as per our original instructions.  And it just so happens that I had an Uncle, who sadly passed in a tragic way, who made his living in sales during what some might call the golden age of the salesman, when relationships and the personal touch of the occupation were still so important.  And I can remember a few things he used to say about the art of selling that stuck with me to this day, and seem to exemplify the bias in discussion perfectly. 

 

I can recall today, almost like it was yesterday, that he used to say that “Personality always wins the day,” that “The man who makes an appearance in the business world, the man who creates personal interest, is the man who gets ahead,” and that you only had to "Be liked and you will never want." Finally the line that really sticks out, and that I often heard him mutter to himself over and over when he was suffering from one of those great sadnesses that seemed to overtake him periodically in his later years, was that it was “the wonder of this country that a man can end up with diamonds here, on the basis of being liked.” He would often follow that line by yelling out “Attention must be paid!” while flickering the lights in the room off and on.  And in truth my uncle Willy was only a passable salesman despite his apparent deep fluency with this particular physiological bias, and he probably was just not able to get a great deal of traction due to his lack of knowledge of the lollapalooza tendency, which we will no doubt get to eventually in our discussion.  And it’s also perhaps true that while my Uncle was liked, he was really never well-liked.

 

 

aren't these all quotes from "The Death of a Salesman"?

 

It also seems to share some of the same terrible stage instructions as well.  What a coincidence!

 

Sounds like something out of Dale Carnegie

[mjohn707]

In the previous thread on incentives I shared an antidote or remedy that I found helpful for combating the effects of that particular bias, so I though I’d share an anecdote or example in this thread instead as per our original instructions.  And it just so happens that I had an Uncle, who sadly passed in a tragic way, who made his living in sales during what some might call the golden age of the salesman, when relationships and the personal touch of the occupation were still so important.  And I can remember a few things he used to say about the art of selling that stuck with me to this day, and seem to exemplify the bias in discussion perfectly. 

 

I can recall today, almost like it was yesterday, that he used to say that “Personality always wins the day,” that “The man who makes an appearance in the business world, the man who creates personal interest, is the man who gets ahead,” and that you only had to "Be liked and you will never want." Finally the line that really sticks out, and that I often heard him mutter to himself over and over when he was suffering from one of those great sadnesses that seemed to overtake him periodically in his later years, was that it was “the wonder of this country that a man can end up with diamonds here, on the basis of being liked.” He would often follow that line by yelling out “Attention must be paid!” while flickering the lights in the room off and on.  And in truth my uncle Willy was only a passable salesman despite his apparent deep fluency with this particular physiological bias, and he probably was just not able to get a great deal of traction due to his lack of knowledge of the lollapalooza tendency, which we will no doubt get to eventually in our discussion.  And it’s also perhaps true that while my Uncle was liked, he was really never well-liked.

 

 

aren't these all quotes from "The Death of a Salesman"?

 

It also seems to share some of the same terrible stage instructions as well.  What a coincidence!

 

Sounds like something out of Dale Carnegie

 

The American tradition of these books apparently goes back even further than Carnegie, but you’re not the first to notice the similarities:  https://www.nytimes.com/1984/05/13/arts/if-willy-loman-read-books-hed-have-read-these.html