Since this is all in good fun, let me show the issues with your predictions:
1. S&P 500 falls to slightly below 1,700, and bottoms in the 1,660-1,700 range in the next 6 months. - great, apart from the "bottoms" part. Not clear what you mean by "bottoms".
Should the market fall below that, expect a retest of the 1,550 tops of 2000 and 2007 - if this, then that is not a prediction. "retest" is not a prediction.
2. The Canadian dollar although in freefall, bottoms around $0.665 against the USD. This happens in the next 12 months. I'm a Canuck, so I follow CAD-USD closely. - this would be great, but "bottoms around" is not a prediction. This could be fixed by saying that CAD does not go lower than 0.665 against USD in next 12 months.
3. Even if the Federal Reserve raises rates again this year, it reverses course before the end of 2017. - if/then is not a prediction
Rates go negative within 3 years, - US rates? Which rates?
as all other options are exhausted, and all other developed economies continue to lower their rates creating the importation of deflation in the U.S. The rate declines in other countries fail as well, as deep credit contraction will pressure countries. - this is not a prediction.
4. Gold rises to 1,200 as the fear trade creates a little rally in the yellow metal. - what is time frame? In 2016?
However, before the year is done, gold also peaks, and resumes its decline. - this is not a prediction.
5. Oil bottoms this year in the $23-25 range. - What do you mean by "bottoms"? Does it go to below $25? Or are you trying to say "Oil does not go below $23 in 2016"?
It does not rally, but just sits there, - this is not a prediction.
as the global GDP growth rate falls to the 1% mark. - This is quite imprecise. Let's try to make it more so. "Global GDP growth rate for 2016 is less than 1% based on ... IMF 2016 report? some other stat?"
;)
I'll try to be more clear next time. And no, I won't be able to give exact numbers in many cases. Sometimes ranges are all we can give. As an example, I'll state "Brent oil will fall below $25, but will not fall beyond $23 in 2016"...thanks for the comments Jurgis. With respect to equities, I will say this: I will close my hedged short plays at 1,700, but I won't be running to go all in on the long side then. I think the S&P 500 falls to 1,667 based on a retracement of the trough to peak rally we experienced. Investor sentiment pushes valuations to extreme levels both on the greed and fear side, so I likely am wrong on where we fall. But this is where I see the market going. If it falls further than 1,667, I will consider myself wrong on my prediction of how far the S&P falls in 2016. If the S&P 500 falls to 1,550, I will have been completely wrong on my prediction.